Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Tears begin to streak down my face too, chasing each other. John’s chin wobbles, his face with rivers of his own.
“I don’t know how to do this, Marsh. I don’t know how to get past it. He’s twenty-two. How can he really know this is what he wants?”
“How many people said that to you when Callie was pregnant at seventeen? And the both of you ignored them because you knew yourself, and you were right. Trust that JT knows himself too.” For just a moment, I consider telling him about Jay wanting to be a chef, but I don’t. That’s not my story to tell, and really, it shouldn’t be what’s important here.
John takes another drink. “Do you remember when my dad took us hunting?”
The memory flashes in my head. I’m surprised he’s mentioning it right now and not sure how it relates. “Yes.”
“You thought you wanted to go, but you couldn’t shoot when you had the chance.”
“No…I couldn’t.” I’ve never liked seeing someone or something suffer, and I certainly don’t want to kill it myself. I don’t begrudge people who do hunt. There’s nothing wrong with it, I just don’t have it in me. “Your dad took the shot for me.” But he never made me feel bad about not being able to do it.
“And you cried all night.”
“I thought you would make fun of me for it, but you didn’t. You hugged me and told me there’s nothing wrong with how I felt…and you didn’t hunt with your dad anymore.”
“Because I wanted to be more like you. I think you believe it’s the other way around, but I’ve always wanted to be like you, always respected you more than anyone else. I didn’t want you to look at me differently.”
“I wouldn’t have,” I admit, lost for other words as he speaks to me. John wanted to be like me? He thought I would judge him for something I never would?
“I remember when you didn’t have much food at your house, but you gave your lunch to someone else who was hungry.”
“And you tried to give me yours.”
He chuckles. “We ended up splitting it because you didn’t want me to be hungry at school, though I had a full fridge at home.”
“Which you would have given me anything from.” That’s just how we’ve always been with each other…and maybe with others too.
“Still, you wouldn’t take all my lunch, and you gave yours away. I have a million stories about your big heart, the way you care about others—animals, people. I also remember times I’ve judged people too harshly, and it was you who brought me back to earth and reminded me not to. I do know you, Marsh. You’re right. I know the kind of man you are. In my heart, I know there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for JT. That you would lay your life down for him… That you wouldn’t hurt him. I just don’t understand it…”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to understand it. We just want you to accept it, not judge us for something just because it’s different from what you chose. I want to have a relationship with you again, but even more than that, I want you to have one with JT, and I’m telling you, John, if it’s not me, it will be someone else. If you can’t trust him to know who he is and be okay with that person, you’re going to lose him, just like your parents would have lost you if they hadn’t accepted you were going to have a baby and marry Callie at eighteen.”
He nods. Swipes at more of his tears. Takes another drink, and minutes later, says, “Callie’s been talking to me…making me see some things. I’m trying because I love him more than anything in this world, but also because I love you. And I miss you so fucking much. I don’t know how to go the rest of my life without my brother by my side.”
My tears flow freely, John’s too. My chest aches, yet I feel hope for our relationship for the first time since I fell for Jay. “You don’t have to go a second without me being there because I always will be. No matter what. I love you too.”
John is quiet for another moment, then picks up the bottle and pours us each more bourbon. Then he reaches over and sets his hand on my arm. While it’s not perfect, while we still have things to figure out, it’s the start we needed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
JT
I’ve been spending the afternoon looking up local culinary programs. Marshall must be in Asheville by now, and it’s taken everything inside me not to call and check on him. This trip has to be hard on him, and I’m so fucking angry with my parents for the way they’re treating him.