Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
“I’m going to get dressed,” I tell them, jogging up the stairs to my bedroom. I make the bed and keep the kids’ pillows on it even though it doesn’t go with my bedding set, then make my way into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I look over to the other sink. I haven’t touched it since the day of the birthday party. From the day before he died.
His razor is on the side, his toothbrush tossed in front of the sink. His aftershave is down on the other side. I spit out the toothpaste and rinse my mouth before placing my toothbrush in the cabinet, ignoring the way I want to go over to his side and throw all his shit out.
Instead, I move over to my closet, grabbing a pair of light blue jeans off the hanger and sliding into them. They used to be skintight on me, but in the past three weeks, I’ve lost about fifteen pounds. I grab a white T-shirt that also fits looser than it did a couple of weeks ago. Slipping my feet into flip-flops, I walk out, turning off the closet light and looking into the dark closet in front of me.
My heart speeds up before I can even stop my feet from moving to his closet. My hand reaches out to turn on the light, but before I do it, someone asks, “Mom, is it thirty minutes?” My hand drops before I switch on the light.
“Time to go.” The hand slaps my thigh. I look at the dark closet once more before walking out of the room.
We spend the whole day at the mall, going from store to store. The entire time, I’m keeping a brave face up. The whole time trying not to think this is going to be the first year when Benji doesn’t take the kids to school in the morning. Before he started not being himself, he was the most amazing father. When he wasn’t on the road, he would drive the kids to daycare before heading to the rink.
“Do we want to grab something to eat?” I ask them when we walk out of the mall, my hands full of bags.
“Can we have pizza?” Luna asks as she steps into the SUV and buckles herself into her booster seat.
“Sure,” I say, putting all the bags into the trunk before pressing the button to close it and making our way home.
I’m almost done unloading the SUV when a car pulls up behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I see it’s Brittany. She’s married to Cole, a player who played with Benji. “Hey.” She kicks open her driver’s door before reaching over and grabbing what looks to be a baking dish from beside her. “I knew I should have called before I came over.” She gets out and closes the door with her hip. “I just thought…”
I smile at her. We have hung around together since our husbands played on the same team. Her two girls are each a year older than my girls, so they are always together when we go to the games. “This is a nice surprise.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t come by,” she says, and my stomach gets tight. Will there ever be a day when people don’t apologize to me? “But it’s summer break, so we went up to the cottage for a couple of weeks.”
“That’s okay,” I respond. “Do you want to come in?”
“I’d love to but my parents are down, so I have to get back.” She laughs. “There is only so much of my parents Cole can deal with.”
We walk up the steps to the house, and both girls are excited when they see her. She walks in like she always does and places the food down on the island. “We’re having pizza,” Luna informs her.
“Sorry.” I look over at Brittany.
“Oh, please.” Brittany shoos away with her hand. “This can freeze, and you can eat it when you want.”
We talk for a couple of minutes before her phone rings. “Sorry, I have to go.” She frowns. “But I’ll call you sometime next week to catch up.”
We walk her to the door, and once she leaves, I look at the bags. “Okay, grab your stuff and take it to your room,” I tell the girls. “I’ll order the pizza.”
The girls and I sit side by side at the island as we eat pizza, and when it’s time to take showers, they head in together. I walk back downstairs, grabbing three black garbage bags, and head upstairs to the closets. I throw them in Benji’s closet, turning and going to make sure the girls are okay.
I wrap them both in towels. “Get your pj’s on, and we’ll put a movie on,” I tell them, knowing they will probably fall asleep midway through. It takes thirty-five minutes before the girls are out, and I’m a pack of nerves the whole time.