Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95393 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
CHAPTER FOUR
dakota
Three weeks later
“Morning, Eddie,” I greet him as he walks into the kitchen a little after nine.
“Morning, Koda,” he says, smiling at me. “Where are the girls?” He looks around the kitchen as I was just about to clean up the breakfast dishes.
“They’re upstairs getting dressed,” I reply, looking over to the hallway to make sure Rain or Luna aren’t there. “I was going to talk to you.” He pulls out a stool and sits down, putting his hands down on the island in front of him. “You know we love having you here,” I say, my voice trembling a bit, my hand shaking, “but it’s time to get back to normal.” The sting of tears comes to my eyes, and I blink them away furiously. “Or better yet, back to our new normal.”
“Koda,” he says softly, “are you sure this is the right time? I mean—”
“Yes,” I state, trying to make my voice firm. It’s been over two weeks I’ve been planning on talking to him about this, and today, I finally got the courage to bring it up. “It’s not that we don’t love having you here. But if Benji was here, you wouldn’t be here all the time. Hell, you’d probably be preparing to go down to your Florida condo for the winter.” He looks down at his hands.
“Benji would want…”
“It doesn’t matter what Benji would want.” I swallow down the lump in my throat. “He’s not coming back, and it’s time for us to find our routine.”
“You’re right,” he concedes. “I just worry.”
“And I love you for it. I really do.” I smile at him. “But for everyone’s sake, this needs to happen. My parents went back home after two weeks, and now it’s time for us to get into our groove.”
“What do we tell the girls?” He looks over at me. “What if they think I’m going to abandon them?” He wipes the tears from his eyes.
“We aren’t going to tell them anything,” I tell him. “If they ask, you are busy. It’s not like you aren’t going to see them, or I’m blocking you from seeing them. It’ll just be like before when they see you on Saturday.”
“Koda…” He looks at his hands, his bottom lip quivering. “I just want you to know…”
I hold up my hand. “I know,” I deflect, not really knowing what he has to say but also afraid of what he might say.
He just nods. “Why don’t I get out of here?” He pushes away from the island. “Maybe go play a round of golf?”
“That sounds like fun.” I try to sound chipper. He pushes the stool in, taking one more look around. “You call me if you need anything.”
“I will,” I assure him, trying not to sound like I’m as scared as he is about leaving me with just the girls. I hold up my hand, willing to be strong and watch through blurry eyes as he slowly walks back out the front door. The door closing feels like the finality of something. I stretch my hands in front of me on the island and place my forehead against the cold marble countertop. “You can do this.” I’m trying to give myself a pep talk. “It’ll just be like he’s on the road.” I sigh deeply, the lone tear running down my face when my head reminds me that he’s gone and not coming back.
When I hear the sound of the girls walking down the steps, I stand straight and spin around. I turn on the water in the sink and pretend I’ve been cleaning, and not telling their grandfather he had to go and second-guessing myself.
“Hey.” I look over my shoulder when they walk into the kitchen as I place a plate in the dishwasher. “Did you guys put away your pj’s?”
“Yes,” Luna and Rain answer at the same time.
“Brush your teeth?” They both nod in answer. “You guys get thirty minutes of iPad time.” I look over at the clock to see the time. “I’m going to finish doing the dishes and cleaning up, and then we’ll go do some back-to-school shopping.”
“Where is Grandpa?” Rain asks, looking around. “Did he leave?”
“Yeah.” I turn back to look at the running water, not sure I can take it if there is fear on their faces. The past three weeks have been a learning curve for all of us. They also still sleep in bed with me like they did the night Benji died. Baby steps, I keep telling myself, one thing at a time. Step one was getting Eddie not to come over every day. Step two will be sleeping in our own beds. “He forgot he had a golf game. So it’s just us.”
“Okay,” they both say as they sit on the couch, each of them with their iPad. I quickly finish up the dishes, controlling my breathing in and out so I don’t have a panic attack.