Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 71915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
“Yeah, I know.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “And how about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I was so lost in my own head, I didn’t even ask about your holiday.”
“Surprisingly, we also had some good discussions,” I replied, recalling our dinner conversation. “Maybe Zoey and I could become better friends too.”
“Look at us—becoming responsible adults. Gross.”
I laughed, then tugged at his arm. “Let’s walk to Bean Necessities for some caffeine and food before we hit the weight room.”
“Yes, please.”
Our first alarm buzzed me awake the following Monday. Once I hit Snooze, I lay there trying to get my bearings as Bailey stirred across the room. He’d been out late with Danica, but I’d stayed in to catch up on assignments.
When the second alarm went off, I rolled out of bed for practice, my heart feeling achy, almost like a physical ailment instead of just a longing so deep that I didn’t know how to make it stop. Everything felt different now, and I needed to get used to it.
I’d see Remy on campus for the foreseeable future, so I needed to come to terms with the fact that this thing between us was over. Neither of us had reached out to the other, but what did I expect? Besides, I’d specifically told him I needed a break. Maybe he’d taken that to heart.
It would be nice to have normal, friendly conversations with him again without all the pining. But that would take a while. I’d been pining for my crush since middle school.
The morning practice energized me, along with two helpings of oatmeal at breakfast, but by my afternoon lab, I was practically falling asleep.
I yawned all the way to my second practice, but once I dove off the deep end, the water instantly energized me. I pushed myself harder in the 200m fly, something Coach wanted me to begin focusing on. It demanded more endurance since it was double the laps, but it gave me something to strive toward as I blotted out my thoughts in my underwater world.
I’d have to do more of this to get through the rest of the season. It would do me no good to wallow in my feelings, not when Coach was counting on me. This was the very thing I’d been afraid of when it came to dating and guys. Goddamn it. Maybe Bailey had a thicker skin in that regard. He put himself out there time and again, and that was something to admire. But I’d definitely sit on the sidelines now.
That night, my fingers itched to text Remy, but I didn’t know what to say, and likely, neither did he. But I couldn’t take it anymore, so I finally went for it.
Guess leaving your sorry asses worked out for the best.
I held my breath as I waited for a response.
LOL. You did the right thing. Who wants to deal with our bullshit?
I hung in there as long as I could.
As soon as I hit Send, I winced. My response sounded like it had a double meaning. And maybe it did, but I’d already put myself out there once too much. Not that I’d explicitly declared my undying love, but come on, Remy wasn’t dense. Far from it.
I know. You’re a martyr, really. I smiled, even though the exchange felt a bit forced. How has Bailey been?
Way more introspective.
Imagine that, he replied with a smile emoji.
The next day with practice and classes was rinse and repeat, and it was funny how I’d never seen it that way before. Stupid feelings.
It didn’t help that I spotted Remy across the quad that afternoon. Our eyes met and held for a drawn-out moment. Fuck, he looked good with his glossy blond hair and worn-in jeans. But his smile was sad like he knew as well as I did that everything had been thrown off-balance.
I didn’t like feeling this way at all, like some lovesick puppy trying to get over a guy who broke my heart. And Bailey seemed attuned to my mood because he kept throwing me sympathetic looks. Ugh, this would not do at all.
27
Remy
After that text exchange with Alex, I threw myself into work and classes, avoiding times I might possibly run into Alex and endure more awkward interactions between us. But I missed him. Fuck, I missed him and his adorable grin, knowing eyes, and ridiculous messages.
Never in a million years had I thought Alex might come to mean so much to me, but I continued to give myself a hundred excuses for why it couldn’t work—bad timing, our young ages, busy schedules, our inevitable doom—when it actually equated to me having too many feelings. Being too raw and exposed and afraid to bridge that gap between us. But also terrified of losing him as well. Fuck my life.
After a late tattoo appointment Wednesday night, I came home to find Derek watching this eighties movie called Beetlejuice, with a bag of chips in front of him. It was one of his old-school goth favorites, so it was fitting to see him sprawled out like this.