Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 85342 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85342 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
“Thirty minutes,” I say, looking at my watch. “Thirty fucking minutes.”
“We should head over to the courthouse,” my father suggests, getting up as I follow him standing up. I walk out of the precinct and head over to the courthouse. I hand my father the keys to my car, getting in the passenger side. “Did you want to stop and get something to eat on the way?” my father asks as he turns the car on. The only thing I can do is shake my head.
I’ve said maybe five words to him all night. I spent the first two hours freaking the fuck out that she was behind the concrete wall and I couldn’t get to her. I went from sitting down to standing up and repeating the action over and over. At one point I thought they were going to ask me to leave, but that Colin dude came out and covered for me. I didn’t say anything to him either. The freak-out was followed by anger. I had so much anger in me all I wanted to do was punch the concrete wall over and over again. I felt like my blood was boiling in my veins and at any moment it would explode. When it got to be around midnight, that was when the sadness kicked in, fuck that feeling of burning in your stomach because you literally can’t do anything to help. The feeling of trading places with a person to shield their pain hurting your chest so much, because you can’t do it. Bottom line: I have never felt so many emotions in such a short time as I did during the night. I’ve been to war zones to help and didn’t even feel half of what I felt sitting on that steel bench. I’ve had to tell parents that their child wasn’t going to make it. I had to tell big strong men they would never be able to walk again and watch them shatter in front of me, and still never felt what I felt at that moment.
Everything is a blur to me as I look out the window as the trees and cars pass us by. When my father parks, I see Michael get out of his car followed by Max. I step from the car and walk up to them. “Where is the lawyer?” I look around trying to see if I can spot him. “Shouldn’t he be here by now?” I ask them as I put my hands on my hips. “Like, what the fuck is he doing?”
Max looks at my father, who slaps my shoulder and squeezes it. “You need to reel all that anger in,” he says calmly, “because when you see her, you are going to have to be her rock.”
“If my wife is any indication as to what she went through,” Michael says, his voice soft, “it wasn’t good at all.” I look at his face and see the same anguish I’m sure is on my face. “Jillian spent the night rocking in the same spot.” His voice gets tight. “It almost felt like she was in another space.”
“Zara and Zoe said it’s normal,” Max says to him quietly and he just shakes his head.
“I don’t care what you call it,” he says. “It was like she was with Julia in that cell.” I swallow down the bile that rises up my throat. “If I don’t bring her home, I have no idea what is going to happen.”
“We are bringing her home,” my father cuts in before he knows I’ll lose it.
“Good, you guys are all here.” I look over at Stuart, who is dressed in a three-piece suit this time, a black briefcase in his hand. “We should head in.”
My father and Max walk with him. “Where the fuck did he think we were going to be?” I hiss between clenched teeth. “I know that we have to take Julia to see Jillian.” I look over at Michael. “But it’s going to be a short visit.”
“Is that so?” Michael says. “How sure are you about that?”
“As sure as if I’m not walking out of here with her,” I say, looking at him, “I’m going in there with her.”
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Michael warns from beside me. “The last thing we need is more people in there.”
I don’t say anything to him, instead I walk upstairs and toward a brown door that says courtroom number four. “Here we go,” Stuart says, pulling open the door. I’m the last one to walk into the room as the four of them stand in front of me. I don’t know if they are doing this to stop me from charging up there or they are looking around.
My eyes roam around the room to see if I see her and I don’t. Stuart walks forward to one of the benches in the back and sits down. “What are you doing?” I ask him.