Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 72790 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72790 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 364(@200wpm)___ 291(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
“Is it helping?”
I felt safer, just knowing Lucky was back in the house, standing nearby. His presence was the most soothing thing to me. The only thing that calmed me since that night. I kept my eyes closed and exhaled. I nodded. It was helping.
“You want a drink?”
I shook my head. I could understand why people with PTSD drank or self medicated. I did want to. But I didn’t want to go down that road. I could have a drink now and then but not every night. I had to learn to handle this by myself.
“You’re not going to turn into a lush, Angel.”
I opened my eyes. I felt less panicked but my shoulders were still high and tight and my skin felt clammy.
“My dad drank too much,” I blurted.
“Ah.” He put the beer he’d been drinking in the sink. “That must have been hard.”
“During the day, he was a mean old bastard. After a couple of drinks… he was dangerous.”
Lucky frowned, looking like he wanted blood. He actually cracked his knuckles.
“He touched you?”
I looked away and shrugged.
“He smacked me a few times. I was lucky. I was fast.”
“Your mom didn’t stop him?”
“He didn’t start up until after she was gone. He… changed. I think he couldn’t cope.”
“So he took it out on you.”
“Yes.”
He pulled me close and held me. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t try and fix it. He was just there. I felt a strange release. I spent so much time trying to push down the pain, ignore my fears, to forget what had happened. It was a relief to just feel something without trying to do something about it.
“What were you smiling about?”
He pulled back without letting me go. There was a pleased, slightly arrogant smirk on his face.
“You were watching me?”
I blushed and rolled my eyes. Like the man didn’t know he was gorgeous.
“I was just looking out the window for a second. You’re kind of hard to miss.”
His smile got even wider.
“Oh, I am, am I?”
“Lucky! Just tell me already!” I scolded him, but I was laughing the whole time.
“Okay.” He looked at me, a slight smile on his lips. “They aren’t coming after you.”
I stared at him. My heart was beating fast. I was almost afraid to ask him what he meant. Afraid it wasn’t what I hoped.
“What?”
“They covered it up. Only Vincent and Antonio know.”
“And Paulie.”
“Paulie won’t say shit.”
“They told you that?”
“They told Dev.” He held my face, forcing me to look into his eyes. “Listen to me, Angel. I was there. Paulie told me he wanted to break the door down.”
“To stop me?”
“To stop Sal.”
“But he didn’t.”
“He thought he might make things worse. I’m pretty sure he hates himself for it now.”
“Oh.”
I could have been raped over and over again. Would have been. Maybe killed. Definitely damaged. For the first time, I started to be glad I had stopped him. I didn’t deserve to be assaulted. Nobody did. I still wished I had stopped him a whole lot less.
“I still took a life. His life is over because of me. I don’t think there is any forgiveness for that.”
“There is, Angel. There is.”
I stared at him, uncertain.
“What about me? I took lives.”
“That’s different. You were in the service.”
“Yes, but I still did it. In a way, it’s the same thing. It was self-defense. If I didn’t kill them, they would have killed me. Or another American. I stopped them. That’s all you did.”
“I didn’t mean to… I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it was over. I just meant to hit him. The shoe was already in my hand.”
“You did the right thing. You protected yourself.”
I exhaled.
“It doesn’t feel right.”
“He was a predator. He hurt women. He would have hurt you.”
“I know but… he also helped me get the money I needed for Jacey’s medicine. He even helped me get some things from Canada that you can’t get in the US.”
“But he had an ulterior motive. And he tried to hurt you.”
“That’s true.”
Lucky pulled me close again.
“All you did was save yourself. You saved me, too. You probably saved a dozen lives or more.”
“I did?”
“Yes. If Sal was still alive… I would have gone to war against him. Against all of them.”
“Oh.”
I rested my cheek against his chest, feeling better for the first time since all of this went down. It didn’t mean I was not shaken. I was. But now what had almost happened and what had happened had equal weight.
Lucky was right. Sal had been a predator. And he had wanted to hurt me. I touched my throat. He had hurt me. I needed to live for my girl.
Maybe God wouldn’t forgive me. But I saw a glimmer of hope that someday, I might forgive myself.
The screen door creaked and Jacey came in.
“Mom? Are you okay? It looks like you were crying.”