Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 71054 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 355(@200wpm)___ 284(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71054 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 355(@200wpm)___ 284(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
We worked in silence, and the tension was insane. Worst of all was that Ellis looked as ill as I felt.
We got back in the van, keeping distance between us like we were in trouble with our parents or something.
Once we exited the van, I gripped Ellis’s elbow, urging him to stay back and allow Perry and Anthony to head up to the studio first.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Ellis. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“It was hot as fuck, so I’m not complaining.” His smile was sad. “It was going to come to a head anyway—unless you were going to walk away before then?”
“No, I…” Panic seized my chest at the very thought. “I’m not finished with whatever this is between us.”
Ellis arched an eyebrow. “We’re hooking up and experimenting, so I don’t think we can still pretend we don’t know what this is.”
“You’re right, and normally, that would be true. But Jesus fuck, I’ve never been with a guy before, and it still feels huge.”
“I haven’t either, but this is not the turn of the century. We know shit now. There’s this thing called the internet.”
“True. But also…I’ve never been this attracted to another human before.”
Ellis’s breath hitched. “Are you serious right now?”
“Dead serious.” My eyes met his, and my stomach trembled. “I want you so bad. All the time.”
“Fuck, you’re making me hard.”
“I’d blow you right now if we weren’t with our very confused bandmates.”
Ellis threaded his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, what are we gonna do?”
“We’ll explain. We should’ve done it already.”
“Perry’s gonna be pissed.”
“How can he be? He did the same thing, and we didn’t find out until later.”
“True,” Ellis said. “But that’s why we set up the rule.”
“And then broke it.” I grimaced.
“Ugh, this is fucked up.”
I tugged at his hand. “Let’s get this over with.”
We got the equipment inside, all the while Perry throwing us furtive glances, as if trying to figure us out, and I was already exhausted from it. When we were done, we stood in the middle of the studio, waiting for the fallout, Ellis with his hands in his hoodie, studying his shoes.
“So…talk,” Perry said.
“I guess it all began after Ellis’s apartment was broken into. We started spending more time together.”
I would’ve mentioned that Ellis had been sleeping in my bed, but I didn’t think he’d appreciate that. Besides, that wasn’t only what this was…right? I really enjoyed spending time with Ellis and had come to cherish little things about him. How he tended his plants, his strong hugs, how he listened to me without interrupting, and his scent when I breathed against his neck. I was attracted to the man inside and out.
“Okay, so?” Perry asked. “We’ve all hung out. How is this any different?”
“What’s with the snark?” I scoffed, not missing Ellis’s look silently telling me to tone it down. But it was hard where Perry was concerned. “How was it when you dated Heather? Did you hang out in the beginning?”
“First of all, I’m straight, and I thought both of you were too.”
“We thought so too,” Ellis said in an even tone, “so you can imagine our utter shock about this.”
“How do you even make the leap from straight to gay?”
Ellis said, “Bisexuality is a thing, you know. Plus, it’s not so black and white. You can end up being all over the map or somewhere in between. Identity and labels are an ever-evolving discussion, but the nitty-gritty details will stay between the two of us.”
“You realize this happens all the time,” Anthony said to Perry. “I dabbled with guys a bit in college.”
“You did? What the hell?” Perry looked dumbfounded, as if we’d just confessed to being alien life-forms.
Anthony shrugged. “Yep, and figured out it’s not for me.”
Well, that was definitely surprising, but not as much as it might’ve been a few months ago. Now that I knew what I knew, I noticed it all around me. I’d bet there were a million stories like Anthony’s—and like ours.
“See, that’s the thing,” I said. “Ellis and I never dabbled.”
“Maybe you didn’t have the opportunity, or maybe because of an unconscious bias,” Anthony replied. “Or maybe you’ve never been attracted to a guy until each other.”
“Gross,” Perry muttered.
I rounded on him. “What the hell does that mean?”
Perry smirked. “I just can’t imagine being attracted to you slobs.”
“Believe me, the feeling is mutual.”
“Touché.”
“So what now?” Ellis asked. “Now that we’ve explained ourselves, how do you feel about all this?”
Perry started pacing. “I don’t know. We had a rule.”
I snickered. “It’s not like we’re in some exclusive club where you’ll get kicked out.”
“But we had the rule for a reason,” Perry countered. “The band got broken up over it the first time.”
I winced. “I know that’s the fear.”
“What do we do if one of you gets hurt or if stuff between you turns toxic?”