Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 95453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Is there an animal in here? A strangled whimper that reminds me of a wounded puppy makes me stop and look around in surprise. No, the only wounded animal here is the girl I have pinned against the vanity, the girl whose reflection I look at in the mirror for the first time since I started this. Her eyes are squeezed tightly shut, teeth sunk deep into her lip. Tears roll down her flushed cheeks and tendons stand out on her neck like she’s fighting to hold something terrible inside.
What am I doing? I love her. What am I doing to her? “Leni…” I whisper, letting go of my dick so I can take her by the shoulders and turn her around to face me. Now I can’t imagine touching her with the same force. I’m gentle, cupping her jaw, tipping her head back until her face is angled so I can see it clearly.
She’s in pain. Did I hurt her? Maybe not physically, but there are other ways to cause pain.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, hanging her head once I let go of her chin in favor of stroking her hair. “I’m just… I’m all mixed up inside. Don’t think I don’t want you. It’s complicated.”
“You know you can tell me about it.” Right, and how much proof have I given her of that? I just tried to force my way into her when she was clearly not into it, and I went far enough to make her sob. She’s supposed to believe she can open up to me?
“It’s not that easy. I wish it was.” When she closes her eyes, another pair of tears roll down her cheeks. I can’t believe the sight of those two tears is enough to make me ache the way I do inside. All I want is honesty, for her to feel like she can trust me. What could be so serious and shameful she wouldn’t want to tell me about it?
“You know…” I’m already half undressed, so I might as well finish the process. Kicking off my trainers, I continue, “Have you thought any more about what we talked about? Seeing a therapist?”
With her arms wrapped around herself, she shrugs. “Yeah, a little bit. Now and then.” I’m surprised, since she basically shut me down and ended the conversation when I brought it up.
“And? How do you feel about it?” I take off my jeans and shorts, stripping off my socks. It’s almost easier to have this conversation while I’m doing this, giving me something to focus on rather than the anguish she’s trying and failing to hide.
“I don’t know. Maybe that’s what I need to do. It can’t hurt, I guess. And there is all the stuff I need to get out.”
“I agree. You won’t get anywhere holding all of it inside.”
“I just feel like it’s getting in our way,” she whispers. I’m glad she said it, because I agree with that, too. One of us had to finally announce it. “The whole idea is a little scary, though.”
“There’s nothing to be scared of. You’ll only be talking to somebody who knows how to help you get through all the memories.” And I just gave her a good one, didn’t I? When am I going to learn?
There’s sorrow in my heart as I pull my T-shirt over my head. “I’m gonna take a shower. Do you wanna join me?” Reaching out, I cup her cheek, stroking it with my thumb. Her face is still flushed, her skin damp. What she needs more than anything is tenderness and understanding. I need to be the one to give it to her.
Her head bobs so I turn away toward the glass door of the shower stall, reaching to turn on the water so it will run hot by the time we get in. She undresses slowly, wincing almost like she’s in pain. Are her knees redder than they should be? Probably from when I pushed her up against the vanity—they must have been pressed against the cabinet doors underneath. Hardly the worst thing I’ve ever done to her, but that doesn’t mean I feel good about it.
There’s no need to talk anymore once we are in the shower together, with nothing between us but the water running down our bodies. Instead of getting soaped up right away, I hold out my arms, and she walks willingly into the circle of my embrace.
Something inside me goes still and peaceful once I have her close to me, her head on my shoulder, her heart beating against my chest. The water from the showerhead soaks into her hair, turning it a darker shade of red. I stroke it slowly while she loosens up a little bit at a time and eventually melts against me.
I’m only human. There’s only so long I can stand with her like this before I start getting hard again. Soon I’m pressed against her hip, twitching and throbbing every time she makes the slightest movement. When she lifts her head, blinking away the shower spray to look into my eyes, I see the longing there. The need.