Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 95453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Reaching into my jeans, I pull out a couple of bills and thrust them his way. “Here. Good luck,” I say without bothering to check how much I gave him. Whatever it is, he needs it more than I do.
What a shame an action like that can’t erase the harm I just did. I could give away a fortune and it wouldn’t make a dent. I couldn’t help myself. Once I had her where I wanted her, trembling against my body, getting me hard with every short, terrified breath, there wasn’t a chance I’d be able to keep from pushing her further.
The sight of a taco truck up ahead makes my stomach growl. It’s as good a choice for dinner as any, and there’s no line. Lifting the ski mask up to my forehead and keeping my hood in place, I approach, my head low as I mutter my order. The people on the other side of the window don’t seem to care either way if they can see me. My money is green. Really, when you get right down to it, the world is very simple. Everything is an exchange. Everything has a price.
And tonight, Leni paid the price for being stupid and careless with her safety.
Not only her, either.
My fists clench in my pockets when I think of Colt. Colt, who’s so damn worried about her, thinking she’s hiding something from him, knowing there’s something she’s keeping from him. Colt, who would let her walk around out here by herself. He should know better than that, shouldn’t he? Then why wouldn’t he do everything in his power to keep her home, where she’s safe? Does he just let her wander around on her own?
Maybe he doesn’t deserve her, then.
A sharp whistle from further down the street catches my attention, and I lift my head just far enough to see where it comes from. A car is slowing down as it reaches the corner, where a couple of girls wait. Not just girls. It looks like they’re trying to make a little money tonight. One of them leans into the open window and has a short conversation before getting in the car.
We all do what we have to do. I never would’ve seen this side of life if it wasn’t for having to hide from everyone who’s ever known me.
And where is Colt right now? Sitting in his apartment, probably, waiting for his girlfriend to come home. His girlfriend, who just sucked my dick in an alley. A smile of grim satisfaction stretches my mouth before I accept my order and keep walking, in a hurry now to get out of the grim, unforgiving night.
He doesn’t know how good he has it. He never will. He’s been able to go on living the life we both enjoyed, now he can enjoy the girl we’ve both enjoyed.
I shouldn’t do this to myself. I can’t. Things are bad enough as it is. I have enough to wrestle with without adding the pressure of feeling like a piece of shit for resenting my brother. There’s nothing to resent him for. Nothing but the way he would let Leni wander around by herself, unprotected, like she’s not worth taking care of.
He needs to learn a lesson, too.
My mind is made up by the time I reach the apartment, where the same two guys are sitting on the steps—the way they are morning, noon, and night. I’m pretty sure they’re selling drugs out here, but it’s none of my business. I jerk my chin at them and go inside, taking the stairs at my usual pace, ignoring a screaming baby on the second floor on my way up to the third. As soon as I’m in the apartment, I pull out the burner phone I bought at a corner store and type out a text to Colt. He’ll never be able to trace who it came from. It’ll probably drive him nuts, wondering who’s reaching out.
Or maybe it won’t. Maybe he’ll know it’s me, just like he somehow knows I’m still alive.
Watch out. You’re not taking care of her like you’re supposed to.
After that, I sit down on the creaky sofa with my tacos, wishing it was as easy to swallow down my guilt as it is to swallow the food.
And knowing that, even though I finally gave in and satisfied my craving for her, it’s only a matter of time before I’ll want her again.
10
COLT
What is taking her so long? I can’t stop pacing the apartment, clenching and unclenching my fists, unable to sit still. I’m going to explode. All this anger and frustration is boiling in me, upping the pressure in my head, the tightness in my chest. I’m going to blow, and it’s not going to be pretty when I do.
Where the hell would she go for this long? It’s been almost an hour, and she still isn’t back. God forbid she answers her phone. Why would she want to let the man she’s supposed to love know she’s at least alive? No, that would be too much to ask, I guess.