Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Some things I learned right away weren’t for me. I wasn’t sure the idea of most pain did much for me…but my dick got hard when I read about getting spanked. The confusing part was I also knew I wanted the spankings for discipline. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much care went into that act. How much care went into making sure I was good, and letting me know when I wasn’t. For teaching me a lesson when I was bad so I wouldn’t do it again. So how could something both turn me on and be used as punishment at the same time?
I also didn’t like it when men spit in another man’s face, or slapped his face. Watersports, I didn’t think were my thing either. I couldn’t imagine a situation where I would want Kieran to pee on me or to drink his urine. I didn’t knock it of course, because to each their own. It was all so much fucking information; I wasn’t sure what to do with it all.
I felt very settled on both Thursday and Friday though. I liked the schedule, knowing exactly what I had to do outside of work to take care of myself. It took a lot of the pressure off me. There was a security to rules that soothed me, likely because I’d lacked them most of my life. Nothing was ever stable, growing up. My parents left me for days at a time and they weren’t really parents even when they were there. But as soon as I thought about it that way, I got nauseated and weak because who in the fuck wanted someone else to schedule their life for them because they couldn’t handle it?
I’d never had anyone there for me. Everything I’d done in my life, I’d done on my own and I was damn proud of that fact.
Why was my brain playing tricks on me now?
I was nervous to go to Kieran’s condo on Saturday. More nervous than I’d ever been for anything in my life. My brain was at war with itself and I hadn’t figured out who was the winner—the part of me who felt weak by the things I’d read, or the part of me that quietly desired them.
I’d decided I was going to tell him no.
Then yes.
Then no again.
In the end, I figured I’d wing it. We’d talk and would likely both realize this was a mistake and go our separate ways.
My hand shook as I knocked on Kieran’s door.
He opened it a moment later and smiled. His white-blond hair was wet, and he didn’t have a shirt on. Droplets of water slid down his shoulders, and chest, some even racing down the lines of his clearly defined abdominal muscles. He was bigger than me, both taller and broader, and I liked that very much. His size made me feel as though he could protect me.
“You don’t play fair,” I told him as my dick stirred at the sight of him. He knew exactly what he was doing.
“I play to win, Jared. Come in.”
I did so automatically. Kieran walked toward the dining room table, rather than the one we often sat at in his kitchen.
“Sit,” he told me.
I did before saying, “I don’t know if I want this.”
He cocked a brow at me. “Don’t you? Ignore what you think the answer is supposed to be. Ignore what society would say, and answer honestly. Did you have to think twice before doing as I said the past few days? Sitting when I told you to just now? Even before you realized you were obeying me the past few weeks, you were. You follow direction so beautifully, Jared, and it would be a crime to yourself not to take what you need.”
What I needed? Not what he thought I wanted, it’s what he thought I needed? He was fucking crazy. This wasn’t a necessity. Maybe a part of me wanted it but that’s as far as it went.
“I don’t need a damn thing.”
“Time will tell about that.” He sat in a chair beside me and asked, “You did as you were told since Wednesday, right?”
“Yes,” I answered before shifting uncomfortably. It didn’t sit well with me how easily I’d obeyed Kieran and the peace I’d found in it.
He smiled. “I knew you would.” I tried to turn away but he grabbed my chin and didn’t let me move. “Did it help? Answer truthfully. I’ll know if you’re lying. I’ve been studying you these past few weeks, Jared. Learning to read you as a good Dom should. Don’t disappoint me by lying.”
“Yes,” I replied, without fighting his grasp. “But that doesn’t mean anything. Maybe I like schedules.”
“Maybe you like my schedules. Maybe you like giving up control because it’s so goddamn hard to know what to do sometimes, isn’t it?”