Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 123877 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 619(@200wpm)___ 496(@250wpm)___ 413(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 123877 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 619(@200wpm)___ 496(@250wpm)___ 413(@300wpm)
“You always get me off so fast,” Beckett murmured, the sexy slur in his voice thickening and deepening those husky tones.
Julian understood Beckett’s attempt to cuddle together by way of a phone call. Hell, as much as he wished Beckett was there, he wasn’t. Julian pivoted around for the bar, needing that drink.
“Julian, I know I’m pushing, probably harder than I should, but you need to know I’m so fucking into you I can’t think straight. I don’t have to be here all the time. I’m training some new instructors next week. It’ll free me up to just run the classes in Coronado. I could be there so we can see what this is between us.”
Julian listened to the sweetly muttered declaration, Beckett laying out his intentions as if he didn’t already know. Beckett recognized he stood at a crossroads in his life.
Julian could see a visual picture of Beckett’s words. Him and Beckett building a long-lasting, monogamous relationship, and it didn’t freak Julian out near as much as it should…until right then.
He stayed quiet as he poured himself a shot of the straight whiskey, tossing it back in one stinging swallow.
“I freaked you out…” Beckett said. “Forget I said anything.”
Yeah, if only he could. Julian closed his eyes. What was happening to him? For years, all he’d wanted was to return to his old life. His heart leaped at his most basic desires. If he ever got the chance, he wouldn’t squander his opportunity or fortune again.
There was no doubt Beckett had been responsible for Julian’s progress on his road to recovery. No question Julian had also firmly attached himself to Beckett, but he was navigating two different roads. One, the respectable manager of a fine-dining restaurant and nightclub. That path made Julian equal to men like Beckett. They would be a great match. The other way had Julian ditching it all for his old life. The two paths that he let blur were beginning to come into focus. Julian couldn’t be both men. At some point, when he was fully back to himself, would he need or want more than to run this restaurant? Would Beckett truly support his decision?
He wasn’t ready to let go of his hopes and dreams, even with the reality of his scarred body telling him a different story. With time, Julian’s self-destructive side would purposefully come out and ruin anything he’d built with Beckett. He was a reprobate at heart.
If he was half the man Beckett thought him to be, Julian would let Beckett go right now. Quit straddling the line, leading Beckett on—leading himself on.
The thought of Beckett’s eventual rejection slashed over Julian’s heart with such a stinging blow he’d looked down to see if there were blood pouring from the wound.
“Julian, I can hear you breathing. Let it go. It was the release talking.” This time Beckett’s tone held that alpha quality. Beckett hurt even now.
“No, it wasn’t the release talking,” Julian said, tucking his chin to his chest. His voice lowered to little more than a whisper. “Honestly. I’m torn. My head says I need to keep things light between us. My heart says something different. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I’m being torn apart from the inside out. All of it is so damn confusing. But I’m certain I know that I’m not a man worthy of you.”
“Am I doing something to cause you to feel that way?” Beckett asked, his concern evident in each syllable uttered.
Julian gave a humorless laugh. “You’re the whole reason I question everything now.” He inhaled deeply and anchored the cell phone on his shoulder, holding it there while he poured another shot. “Look, I need whatever’s happening to us to continue. You make me stronger. Let’s not label it. Instead, let’s go with it. I don’t want to hurt you, and I’ve been honest with you; I’m not the man you think I am.”
“You always doubt yourself,” Beckett finally said, and maybe that was true. “And I think you doubt me. I don’t want anything to change about you, Julian. I can face whatever comes, I promise. We can take it easy, go with the flow. I’m sorry I said anything.”
The alcohol warmed his chest and dulled Julian’s senses, exactly what he’d hoped would happen. With a shake of his head, Julian turned to the full-length mirror so he could check his appearance. He could smell his release and suspected other’s might be able to as well. His own blue gaze stared back at him. Perhaps he was changing, maybe for the better. Who knew for sure?
“Goodnight, Beckett,” Julian said, turning for the door. “Text me your flight plans. However you decide to fly, I’ll pick you up at whatever airport.”
“You good?” Beckett asked quietly.
He nodded as he said, “Goodnight. Be safe out there.” Julian ended the call as he opened the office door, the music loud enough to dissolve his wayward thoughts as he trotted down the stairs.