How Not To Be A Goddess Read Online Marian Tee

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I will never be on your ssside. You are too ssstupid for me.

"Please take that back," I said stiffly.

No.

"I mean it, Susan."

Sssee? Only sssomeone ssstupid will get even my name wrong.

"But your name is Susan—-"

It's Sssusssan. Ssstupid.

I let out an indignant gasp. "You know what? That's it. That's the last straw! I'm firing you from this quest—-"

You will die within an hour if you do this alone.

I jumped to my feet. "I mean it, you know."

I, too, meant what I sssaid.

"Whatever." I spun around, heart racing because I could feel the Gorgon's stare following me as I walked away.

Oh man.

I sure hoped Hadrian knew what he was doing, asking me to potentially piss off a Gorgon so I could sneak away and meet him in secret.

As the distance between the Gorgon and me grew, Hadrian's subjects once again found the confidence to come close, and I did my best to accommodate all requests for selfies, handshakes, and even the odd autograph or two.

If Mira ever got wind of this, I'm sure she'd think I was being too approachable. I supposed we simply had to agree to disagree on this matter, especially with how sweet everyone was being. Apparently, all of them had seen today's news, and they wanted me to know they found my reaction completely understandable.

Zeus is not acting himself, a skeleton with an old-woman's-voice said comfortingly. Why would anyone not be scared?

And honestly, I was tempted at first to simply let it go at that, but instead I eventually heard myself say, "Underworld Times had it wrong, though. It wasn't like that at all." Because at that moment, I realized I hadn't anything to lie about, and more importantly, I mustn't lie at all.

"I fainted that day because I have menopause." My voice became rather awkward in the wake of their sudden silence, but I forced myself to go on. "It's a side effect of the deification process, and the god of medicine has advised me to prepare for the worst kind of symptoms."

"But..." A female skeleton shook her skull in confusion. "Aren't you too young to have menopause?"

"I thought so, too," I admitted, "but sometimes life just works that way."

"What other symptoms have you experienced, milady?"

"Anxiety attacks, hot flashes, and I was warned about possible memory problems...but...oh...sorry...who are you again?"

The crowd laughed, and I found myself laughing with them even as a part of me reeled at how surreal things had turned out.

Not so long ago, I was terrified of having people find out I had the Big M, thinking that my condition would only create more barriers between me and Hadrian's subjects. But instead it turned out to be the key to making them see for who I really was: a work-in-progress goddess, and one who would rather be approachable than infallible.

The impromptu meet-and-greet with a side of Q&A went on for fifteen more minutes, but after that I had to make my excuses or risk being late for my rendezvous with a certain Greek god.

As I hurried to our meeting place, I couldn't help humming Destiny's Child's Survivor under my breath. I had always thought I'd one day find myself in the league of Tay-Tay and Bey, and I was right! Wait until Hadrian—-

Aaaaah!

As soon as I stepped inside the canal house, a hand covered my mouth from behind, and my surroundings turned into a blur as I felt myself whisked up the stairs by my unseen assailant.

Another moment, and I found myself in a room completely bare of furniture as the hand covering my mouth loosened. I prepared to knee my assailant in the balls, but a shadow fell over me—-

I stumbled back in shock when I realized who my assailant was.

"You."

I threw myself into Hadrian's arms, eyes squeezing shut so I could savor, even for a moment, how seriously good it felt to see and feel him. And after that, the words just came rushing out—-

"Are you okay? You're not hurt?"

We actually ended up asking each other the same questions, albeit in different tones, with Hadrian's voice edged with tension while mine was worried and shaken.

His arms loosened just as I made a move to step back, and I felt his gaze swiftly and thoroughly check over my body.

"You're truly fine?" he demanded.

I nodded. "And you? You're not hurt anywhere?"

Hadrian shook his head. "We haven't had any trouble from Zeus' thunderbolts as expected, but I'd rather be prepared all the same."

"How are things on the surface?" I asked anxiously.

"Hypnos, the god of sleep, finally managed to knock him out with one of his potions, but it's unlikely to last. Let's just hope someone finds a cure before he wakes up."

"Or a vaccine like..." I was supposed to say SR-41 but when I saw Hadrian's gaze narrow, I could've bitten my tongue off.

Me and my big mouth...


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