Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 129460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 432(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 432(@300wpm)
“What’s going on? Lou didn’t evict you, did he?” My last two words are forced through the lump in my throat Caleb forced there when he enters the living room with box tape in his hands. His eyes are nowhere near as pained as they were hours ago, but it is clear he’s still drowning, so I can only imagine Octavia’s suggestion for them to return home would have seemed more like a lifejacket instead of another puncture repair to the raft he’s struggling to keep afloat.
“We have the ability to make a difference there,” Octavia continues, drawing my focus from Caleb. “And the only thing we have here is you.”
She reads the wetness bombarding my eyes in the right manner—as devastation—but she thinks it is in response to her reply instead of the realization that my father was right. I need to let this be Caleb’s journey.
I need to let him go.
“Oh, Jess. I didn’t mean like that.” Octavia pulls me over to sit on the coach. “The plan is messy, and it may not even get off the ground, but there is a spot for you with us. I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to leave your family.”
When I shoot my watering eyes to Caleb to gauge his response to her offer that I could go with them, he drops his to his bloody knuckles.
That tells me everything I need to know.
Facing their demons might have been Octavia’s idea, but Caleb is running with it.
He is running from me because my father is right.
He isn’t ready to heal just yet.
“Umm… thanks for the offer, but I’m not a girl who runs when times get tough.” My eyes are locked on Octavia, but my words are for Caleb. I’ll be here when he’s ready—if he’s ever ready. “I have unfinished business here I need to take care of, and although it isn’t my favorite place right now, for the time being, Seattle is my home.”
Nevertheless I had hoped one day Caleb and Octavia would feel the same, but it was wrong of me to hope for that. They came here to hide, but secrets never stay hidden. They always have a way of coming out.
“Do you need my help with anything?” I’m offering to help but secretly praying she will say no. So much has happened today, and I’ve barely had a second to process it all. “Because I’m zonked, so if you don’t need me, I might have a nap.” It takes everything I have to hold in my sob when Octavia tells me they have everything handled since they have two weeks to pack, but I manage—somewhat.
“Okay. Great.” I leap up from the couch before making a beeline for the door.
I think I’m in the clear until Caleb shouts my name. “Jessie…”
I pray for a miracle, for him to prove both my father and me wrong, but all I get is more heartache.
When I turn to face him, he holds up the lithe bit of plastic as if I can replace him from life as easily as a two-dollar cooking instrument. “You forget your spatula.”
When I attempt to snatch the spatula out of his hand, Caleb remains holding on tight, which eventually forces my eyes to his face. Even through the tears bombarding my eyes, I can see the remorse blistering through his hooded gaze. I just have no clue if it is because of what happened today at my father’s church or because he’s breaking my heart into a million tiny little pieces
It may be a bit of both.
“I need to do this,” he whispers, his words only for me.
When I dip my chin, aware my wants aren’t everyone’s priorities, he mutters, “Please don’t hate me for it.”
“I’ll never hate you, Caleb,” I murmur through a sob, my tone the most honest it’s been.
How can I when I love you?
CHAPTER 48
JESS
Like the upstanding citizen my father raised me to be, two weeks later, I assist Caleb and Octavia with packing the moving truck they hired as if every box doesn’t crack my heart more. I want to say the past two weeks have been awkward and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, but I’ve lied enough the past three years. Things have always been strained between Caleb and me. I was just too gung-ho seeking answers for Caleb’s crack to realize parts of me were just as broken.
Warren made me bitter about relationships. He made me believe it is better not to love at all than get your heart broken into smithereens by a love unlike anything else.
Caleb taught me differently, but now I need him to learn the same lesson—to realize what he had by losing it all. You can’t miss something if it is always within reach, and as much as I tell myself we weren’t there for each other for almost three years, that’s a lie. He was there, in every shadow, sheltering the parts of me my father couldn’t.