Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 107687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
She thinks that over for a moment. “I left because I wanted to live. I told the girls the same. When we were there, we couldn’t be who we really were unless we were together. Even in the worst of times, when Eliza and Elliot would clean my wounds or Clara would dry my tears or Louisa would go to the Halo to distract the men from me, we were how we are now. But once we were around the men, or in the Halo, I think we all shut down to protect ourselves.”
I can’t even begin to describe the hate that fills my soul. “Did they get abused like you?”
“Not so much the younger girls, but Louisa and I bore the brunt of it. Eliza got her fair share, too, but it was nothing compared to what I got. They liked beating me, mainly because I wouldn’t cry.”
“You wouldn’t?”
She scoffs. “No. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction.” Her eyes swirl with her haunting past. “I refused to be their victim. Even at such a young age, I fought tooth and nail.”
“How old were you when it started?”
“Eleven,” she admits, and my eyes widen. “But the truly bad stuff didn’t start until I was sixteen—the oral sex and the touching me in places no man should touch without permission. I only lasted four years before I convinced Eliza and Elliot to leave.”
“Four years? Of that abuse?”
“I was able to get away a lot and fight back. It just sucked ’cause then I’d get beaten by my mom or the Grandmaster.”
“I don’t understand how this can still be happening in the world we live in.”
“We were always on the move, and my peepaw tried to get the police involved when he’d find us, but the Grandmaster was very charming and could spin a story like no other. He controlled everything and everyone. He chose our clothes, how we did our hair, and even what shoes we wore. But most of all, he instilled fear in every woman in our compound but then met the desires of all the men. He’d preach that God willed him to do things like that so that our salvation would be protected. That a woman was made from a man’s rib bone to only serve men.”
“That’s barbaric and disgusting.”
She shrugs. “That’s what we were taught, but I never truly believed it.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” I tell her, and she grins.
“For me, a man and a woman should be equal, and each should take care of the other, emotionally and physically. But when I would say that to my mother or the other elder women, they’d beat me or tell me to keep my mouth shut so I didn’t end up in hell for my insubordination to not only the Grandmaster, but to God himself.”
“There was no fucking God in that place.”
She shakes her head at that. “You have no clue. They’d hang all these wooden signs around the compound with scriptures from the Bible, but they always chose the ones that would draw people in. It wasn’t until you were in the group that you really learned the Grandmaster’s teachings and what it meant for any woman who was tricked into that place.”
“How’d you convince yourself to get away?”
She shrugs. “I refused to be forced into something I didn’t want. I didn’t want to be raped by the Grandmaster or anyone else. I wanted my first time to be with someone who cared for me, who saw me as more than just an object. I wanted what I read, that all-consuming love, where my worth would be recognized. That unconditional love that ignores I have demons that rear their ugly heads, but that reminds me it doesn’t matter. That I’m enough, just me.”
Yup, all that. All fucking that. Damn it, I’m in awe of this woman. I let go of my controller and cup her face in my hands. “Austen, do you realize how strong and incredible you are?”
Her eyes well up, and I swear I’m drowning in every single emotion known to man. “I do,” she whispers. “But sometimes fear gets me.”
“It gets everyone,” I say, voice heavy with empathy. “But I need you to know how blown away I am by you and seriously impressed. You are enough, Janie. Truly enough. You’re what perfection is.”
“I’m hardly perfect.”
“For me, you are,” I whisper, and her eyes fall shut. She slowly turns her head in my hand, kissing my palm.
“You know I’ve never told anyone any of this,” she whispers before looking over at me, her eyes hooded and gorgeous. “Peepaw only knows some of it, but other than my sisters and my therapist, you’re the only one.”
I swallow hard, knowing what that means. “Thank you for trusting me.”
“You make it easy for me to,” she says, turning her head to kiss my palm again. “I feel the safest with you.”