Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 83379 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83379 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
“What’s up?” I asked, still feeling in protective mode. But it didn’t last long before shame began unfurling in my gut about what Julian and I must’ve looked like.
“What the heck is going on?” Her eyes were wide with disbelief edged with fear. “I came to wake you because you missed your shift with the cows.”
“Shit.” My hand flew to my mouth. “I never heard my alarm.”
And Julian certainly hadn’t woken naturally like he normally did.
She folded her arms. “I bet you didn’t.”
“What the hell?” I motioned over my shoulder. “Julian was having another nightmare, and I went in to wake him up. He was sweaty and shaking, and I felt bad for him, so I got him a wet rag…and…and…”
“And?” She lifted an eyebrow. “You were in his bed, Kerry.”
“Yeah, I stayed to make sure he was okay, and I must’ve fallen asleep.”
She shifted her gaze away and muttered, “Looked like more than that.”
“What do you mean?” I asked in a weak voice, pacing away from her, trying to get some much needed air into my lungs. Was this how shit was going to hit the fan? Right before his departure?
She squared her shoulders. “You care about him.”
“Of course I do,” I admitted. “We’ve grown close.”
She narrowed her eyes. “He’s my cousin.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I replied through clenched teeth, but what I really wanted to do was yell at the top of my lungs. Of course I fucking know that. Why do you think I’ve been struggling with my feelings for weeks? Fucking weeks, Sienna.
“I just…I don’t know how to feel about what I saw.”
Anger, guilt, and sorrow mixed like a perfect storm inside me until it finally erupted. “Because he’s your cousin or because he’s a man?”
Her cheeks grew bright red as she looked away.
I fucking hated the constant guilt I was living under. And for what?
“Christ, Sienna.” I roughly shoved my fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry I messed up your life, but how long do I have to pay for it?”
She pointed a finger in my face. “That’s not fair!”
“You’re all up in my business, yet you can’t admit you’ve been seeing Brad,” I nearly growled. “Ever wondered what your life would look like if you didn’t ignore your feelings all those years ago and married him instead?”
She tightened her jaw. “All the damned time.”
Fuck, that felt like a physical blow, and I staggered back, gripping the dresser behind me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” Her voice was soft and conciliatory. “I don’t want us to lob horrible words at each other just because there’s a breakdown in communication. I don’t want to become those kind of exes.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Neither do I.”
The room grew stiflingly quiet, and I had the urge to flee, but we still needed to hash this shit out.
I turned toward her. “Answer me honestly, Sienna. Are you seeing Brad?”
“I…I don’t know?”
I wasn’t sure if she meant she didn’t know how she felt about him or that the two of them hadn’t quite figured it out yet.
“Do you want to be seeing him?”
“Yes,” she said with more conviction than I’d heard in a while.
I threw up my hands. “Then goddamn it, go after what you want.”
She toed the floor with her boot. “What about our daughter?”
“She’ll see that we still love her and respect each other, and she’ll adjust. I promise,” I said, even though admitting it was killing me inside. But I’d need to deal with whatever changes Sienna’s newfound relationship brought. It was always inevitable, so it was time to bite the bullet. “You need to be happy.”
“And how about you?” she asked in a hesitant voice.
My shoulders sagged. “Don’t worry about me.”
“I don’t want any animosity between us, Kerry. Yes, you turned my life upside down, but you’re not the only one to blame.” She sighed. “You’re a good man and a great dad. You stuck by me so we could raise our daughter together, but if this arrangement is to the detriment of your happiness…”
“My daughter is the only happiness I need right now. Besides, I get my needs met when I—”
“Drive into town? I’m not stupid.”
Panic arose inside me before quickly dispersing. I was so fucking tired of being afraid of who I was. “Not sure what you want me to say. That’s good enough for now.”
“Is it?” she countered.
“It’ll have to be.” I yanked a shirt over my head. “Now let me go milk some cows.”
27
Julian
Kerry had been acting more withdrawn, even a bit sullen, since my nightmare two nights ago, and I wondered if it was some sort of a defense mechanism. Like he needed to place distance between us, and even though it was something I understood, it didn’t sit well. Not after everything we’d shared and what he’d come to mean to me.