Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84247 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84247 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“I’m going to go out on a limb here, and it might be a crazy choice, but, well, I have eyes in my head, and I’ve had something on my mind for a while now, so I’m gonna go with it. Is this about Callum?”
I whipped around in his direction so quickly, I was surprised I didn’t get whiplash. How had he known? “What? Why…? What makes you…?”
“Shit, I don’t know. I could be way off, but by the look on your face, I’m thinking I’m not. I know the two of you have been hanging out a lot. Even Mary Beth has mentioned it here and there, little things like, she ordered dinner out because Callum was with Knox or something like that. Then when we showed up that day, you guys were working on the fence… Hell, I don’t know, man. Something seemed different with you, with the two of you together. I mean, he wanted you the second he walked into Griff’s that first night. Anyone could see that, but it was even more that day. Not just a physical thing, but more of a connection? Familiarity? Comfort? And you were the same with him. Remy noticed it too. We’ve never seen you like that with anyone.”
I sighed and let go. “Yeah, you’re right, and yeah, it’s about him. We…we’ve been spending a lot of time together. Logan is fucking crazy about him, man. They just connect. It’s amazing to sit back and watch them sometimes. But he and I…we, um…we get along well too. He’s become a good friend and then…” I was being silly. I was a grown-ass man. It shouldn’t be that hard to talk about this.
“Did something happen between you guys?”
“I kissed him.” My whole body flushed with heat just thinking about it. “Fuck, did I like it. But I freaked out a bit, and he left. He hasn’t been over since, and I’m worried I fucked things up. That I hurt Cal and made my son lose someone important to him, that I lost someone important to me, and fuck.” I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, face in my hands. “I don’t want to lose him.”
“Okay,” Law said softly. “It sounds like the two of you need to talk about it. But I also think you need to clear your head first and figure out what it is you want and whether you’re willing to go for it or not. Is it just friendship you’re missing from him? Do you want to try for more? And if you do, can you accept that? It comes with its own set of struggles, one being your kids.”
“I know. Shit, I know.” I shoved to my feet, walked over to the edge of the patio and looked out at the land. “Shouldn’t I have known? Before now, I mean, shouldn’t I have known if I was attracted to men?”
“I didn’t acknowledge it before Remy.”
“You were eighteen. I’m in my forties.”
“Damn, you’re old,” he teased, and I chuckled, having needed it. “Seriously, though, that’s not something I can answer for you. Maybe there have been little clues, noticing things about men your whole life, and you haven’t let yourself see it or acknowledge it. Maybe it’s something about Callum for you, and the two of you have connected on a different level. Sexuality isn’t cut-and-paste. It’s not the same for everyone. I think the most important question isn’t why you didn’t know, but are you okay with it now? Because that’s what matters. That’s what affects you going forward.”
I pushed my hands into my pockets. He was right, of course he was right. “I really like him. I can’t even one hundred percent put my finger on what makes him different.” Maybe everything about Callum seemed to make him different. “I just…feel it. Feel him.”
“That’s how it was with Remy.”
I nodded, but I didn’t think we were similar. Lawson was crazy in love with Remy. He always had been. It was Remy for him from the start, while I hardly knew Callum and wasn’t in love with him, but Christ, I cared about him. Wanted to feel his lips move against mine again and listen to him laugh and see his blue eyes light up when he did. But… “I’m scared.” That wasn’t easy for me to admit. I hadn’t ever been scared of anything except when it came to my kids.
Law sighed, stood, walked over, and put a hand on my shoulder. “Welcome to the club, brother. We’re all scared when it really matters. Has nothing to do with being gay, straight, bi, or something else.”
Again, he was right. I knew he was. Turning, I looked at him. “Damn, you’re good at this.”
Law gave me a confident grin. “I’m good at most things.”
“Cocky motherfucker.”
“If the shoe fits.” Law shrugged, then sobered. “I get that this is a lot, and with kids, I know things are different for you than they were for me. You have them to think about, and I get being worried since Logan and Callum are so close, but there are two things that stand out to me. The first is, I know you. You’re a good man. You wouldn’t do anything to hurt Logan. If you moved forward with Callum and it didn’t work out, you would make sure he was okay and you would still be close to him, like you are with your ex-wife. The second is, I’ve never seen you like this. Yeah, you have fun. I’ve seen you hook up and date around, casually, but this feels different. Don’t you owe it to yourself to see why that is? Don’t you deserve that?”