Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84247 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84247 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
When I’d. Kissed. Him.
I was still trying to wrap my brain around that.
My closest group of friends were all gay or bi men, except Griff, so it wasn’t that. I couldn’t stop thinking…shouldn’t I have known? Had I somehow been lying to myself my whole life? In denial? How could I not have known, and what did all this say about me? What did my attraction to Callum mean for me, because there was one thing I couldn’t deny: I’d liked kissing him.
And I wanted to do it again.
When I told him being here felt right, then mentioned Havenwood, I hadn’t meant the town; I meant being with him.
But then all the other stuff created this storm inside my head again: Never being with a guy before. What did I want from Callum? From us? What would it mean for Logan? Or for Charlotte when she came? And if we did keep this going and we crashed and burned, how much would that break my son’s heart?
I didn’t know what to make of any of it. Things were already different. Callum hadn’t come over all week. We’d texted a couple of times, and I knew Logan had spoken to him, but when Logan asked if he could come hang out, Callum always had an excuse.
The thing was, no matter how good Callum said I was at talking, I didn’t feel I was. The thought of sharing this with someone, honestly made me feel a little dizzy and faint. It didn’t help that the person I talked to the most lately was the man I was all tied up over.
But I needed to talk to someone, and the only other person I felt comfortable with was Law.
So I called him up. It was late afternoon. Logan was home from school and had called to check in. The shop was slow, so I knew I could cut out early if Law was available.
Instead of hello, Law said, “Wait. Who is this? The phone said someone named Knox, but I rarely see him anymore, so I’m confused.”
“Be nice, man. I’m dealing with some shit.” I said it teasingly.
“What’s wrong?”
I looked around the hardware store as if Callum or someone else were going to jump out of a hiding place where they were eavesdropping on me.
“You got a little time? If you and Remy are busy, I don’t want to interrupt, but—”
“You wouldn’t be interrupting. It so happens Remy is on a hike with Griff, so I’m sitting around the house with Bear. Want me to come to you?”
“Nah, I’m leaving work early. I’ll come over on my way home.”
“Sounds good,” he replied, and we hung up.
It was ridiculous how nervous I felt on the drive to my friend’s house. He’d come to me when he was struggling with some things with Remy before his boyfriend had come out, so as much as I wasn’t a fan of spilling my guts, I knew Law was someone I could trust. Still, I couldn’t get over the fact that Callum was a first for me. Even though things hadn’t always been easy between Law and Remy, at least they’d both known they were into men.
And I must be into men too if I liked kissing Callum.
As soon as I pulled up in front of the house, Law opened the door and Bear came running out. He was all legs and clumsy, the biggest, goofiest teddy bear a dog could be. “How’s it going, boy?” I rubbed behind his ears. “Frankie Blue is going to smell you on me and know I was with another dog.” Bear almost knocked me down, and Law chuckled.
“What’s up, brother?” I said as I stepped onto the porch.
He led me inside. “Not much, man. Just living life. Being happy. Don’t think we’re here to talk about me, though.” He tucked his curls behind his ears.
“It would be much easier, so why don’t we do that instead?” I teased.
“Doesn’t work that way. You wanna beer?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
We headed out the back door and to the chairs on his patio. It was quiet out, nothing but trees and nature in front of us. I rubbed a hand over my face and dropped my head against the chairback. Maybe I should have taken that beer.
“Is everything okay with Logan?” Law asked.
“Yeah, that’s not it. Things are going really well where he’s concerned. He met a friend and had his first sleepover last weekend. They play video games against each other even when they aren’t together, and we’re taking some classes with Kell and shit like that. I…” How did I even start this? So…I was wondering how I know if I’m bisexual? How fucking dumb did that sound? And again, wanting Callum was pretty much the answer to that question.
I sat there, unable to make the words come out. It was fucking ridiculous, and I was frustrated, but this was so damn new for me.