Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 127213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 636(@200wpm)___ 509(@250wpm)___ 424(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 127213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 636(@200wpm)___ 509(@250wpm)___ 424(@300wpm)
He’d stuck to the rules and gone to see Ezra every two weeks or so, which, while expensive, was manageable thanks to his savings. He hadn’t gotten his hopes up, understood that the arrangement was based on money and would end at one point or another. Deep down, he knew that Ezra would at some point move on to greener pastures. But it had still hit Frank like that dust from under the tire. Expected, yet somehow just as unpleasant as if it had come out of nowhere. It left Frank wondering if there was something he could have done to keep Ezra that bit longer. Paid more? Eviscerated his bank account to see him more frequently? Pulled out the big guns and used the gold bars he had stashed for emergencies?
“Fuck!” he screamed when the tire wouldn't budge.
Or should he have been more affectionate, so that Ezra would grow attached to him? That would have been an embarrassing failure, since Ezra wasn’t interested in him that way though their chemistry was great. It was Frank who’d lost his mind and swallowed the hook of the fantasy Ezra had created for him. Despite acknowledging the reality of their situation, he’d still gotten addicted to the sweet lips, open legs, and shameless compliments, like some lovesick kid, not a man of forty-one.
All that despite knowing their relationship could never turn into anything beyond sex and friendship, because he couldn’t have indefinitely lived a double life.
Frank grabbed a towel from the rickety bench nearby. It was getting dark, but there were four outdoor lamps around the training area he’d set up close to his home. He’d created this space as his sanctuary, and twice even held local competitions here, yet tonight it didn’t bring respite.
Since the night when he’d left Ezra’s apartment early, he couldn’t get his head on straight, instead sulking like some rejected teenager. On one hand, maybe this was a sign that he should in the future rely on one-night stands, on the other, how could anyone in the real world hold a candle to the absolute perfection that Ezra had been?
Frank rubbed his face with the towel and sat on the bench, doubting that he’d actually gotten all the grime off. He lit a cigarette anyway, because who the fuck cared if he was filthy or stank? Dex might have told him to shower, but his nephew didn’t live here anymore.
He looked up into the darkening sky, thinking back to the night he’d spent with Ezra in that cabin in the woods. They had stayed up until late, and Frank had taken Ezra for a spontaneous night outing on the boat, because the full moon had been so bright. They’d watched the stars reflected in the lake, and ended up getting so amorous they made out in the boat like two horny teenagers. They’d had to stop the hand jobs at one point, because the rocking made Ezra paranoid about falling into the water, which gave Frank the opportunity to boast about the lifeguard training he’d done back in the day.
Around Ezra he’d felt needed.
Important.
He’d been a wolf coaxed by a prince into showing his soft underbelly for petting.
But maybe this was for the better? The annoyance he was feeling now was the sign that he’d let his control slip when he knew perfectly well that he could not have Ezra in any other way without the risk of him running to the cops. Or worse yet, despising Frank for the scum he was.
He took a long drag of smoke, soothed by its bitter aroma.
At least he never asked Ezra to accompany him to the competition. That would have revealed how needy he was for approval. Not just Ezra’s but also the acquaintances he’d itched to show Ezra off to. And for what? For the ego boost? Maybe it would have made some sense if Ezra actually wanted to be his boyfriend, but in reality, he would have been showing off a lie, and proving himself incapable of holding down a partner unless he paid them.
So fucking pathetic. Shane would have eaten him alive with jokes if he knew.
But what should a guy like him expect from life? He lived on the fringe of society, had a shady job, and even the part of it that didn’t involve corpses was filled with rust, mold, and cockroaches scattering from under disused fridges.
If Ezra saw where Frank lived, he would have ran for the hills even before he found out about human remains hidden around the junkyard.
What made this whole thing yet more frustrating was that Frank was so confident when it came to all other aspects of his life. He had no fear about confronting people, he could wield a weapon if necessary, and was proud of the business he’d built. Hell, he had no trouble finding hookups either, once he put his mind to it. Only when it came to romance did he feel painfully inadequate.