Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
“I’m happy for you.” I wrapped an arm around her, pulled her close, and kissed the top of her head.
“I’m happy for you too,” Callum said.
“Well, that makes three of us,” she teased, before they both looked at me expectantly.
Oh, right. It was my turn for an update, wasn’t it?
“Are you ready to order, or do you need more time?” The waiter set my beer down. I was quietly thankful for the reprieve. I got enchiladas, Nat got the same, and Callum ordered chicken street tacos.
The second he was gone, they were looking at me again. “What do you guys want me to say? You know Griff and I are…” Fuck. What did I even say Griff and I were doing? It started out as friends with benefits, which they knew. It was what we continued to say, but I knew, down to the marrow of my bones, I knew there was more to us than that. I rested my elbows on the table, my face in my hands. “Ugh. I am so fucked.” With the bottoms of my palms, I rubbed my eyes.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Natalie squeezed my thigh.
Jesus, this was hard. It also felt weird to do it without Kell, but the idea of talking to Kellan about it felt weird too. Talking to anyone about it did, because I didn’t know what to say. I’d never done this, and I felt weak for struggling with it all. It shouldn’t be this hard. Why was falling for Griff this hard for me?
I leaned back in the booth, picking at the label on my beer bottle, which I hadn’t even taken a sip of. “It’s more than it’s supposed to be—this thing with Griff, I mean.”
“Um…no shit?” Callum said. “It’s been there for a while. I just think it took the two of you longer to see it than the rest of us.”
“I agree with Callum. I don’t think any of us were surprised to find out you were seeing each other. Maybe in some ways it’s not supposed to make sense. We all thought Griffin was straight, and you’re the king of hookups and staying as far away from relationships as possible, which is so not Griff.”
I looked over at her. “I love you, but you’re not helping, Nat.”
She frowned. “Sorry. But my point is, despite those things that should mean you and Griff aren’t meant for each other, I think you are. I’m pretty sure we all know that, even Kell, who now might understand why this was all a little hard on Griffin. It’s scary when the two people you love most in the world fall for each other. You’re afraid to lose them, you’re afraid they’ll hurt each other or break up, and you’ll be in the middle of it. Wait, I’m getting off track, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, sweets. I think so,” Callum answered for me.
“It’s not that easy, though. It’s not as simple as saying I want to be with him and doing it.”
“Why not?” Natalie asked.
Maybe it should be. Or hell, maybe it was, but I was in denial. How did anyone ever know how they would deal with something like this if they hadn’t lived it?
“I’m falling for him, obviously, and I didn’t want to do that. I haven’t done that in a long time, and I have some stuff in my past I have to work through, that I should have been working through for years, but I don’t know how, and I didn’t want to, and I feel guilty for even considering it. And I know none of this makes sense without all the details, but…” I shook my head. “I can’t.”
Callum looked at me with nothing but support. “But you’re sharing with Griff? So he knows.”
“Yeah. He’s the only one I’ve ever told.” I reached for my beer and took a couple of long swallows. “He makes me want things I didn’t believe I could ever want. I want to find a way to give him the world because he deserves it.”
“But you don’t feel like you deserve him,” Natalie replied. I had no idea how she knew that, but it was true. “You do, Josh. I don’t care what happened in your past. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve Griff.”
“I think I believed I was happy until I had him.”
“Then fight for him,” Callum said. “I haven’t been in Havenwood long, but I feel like I know you. You’re not one to give up easily. You’re there for everyone around you, for all your friends, the way Griff is. You’re a smart guy, and you know what the right thing to do is. Whatever you need to do to have Griffin, you’ll make it happen.”
“Thanks, man.” Thankfully, they showed up with our food then, and our conversation was over. Still, it wasn’t far from my mind the rest of the night.