Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Sex was…fuck, sex was explosive with Josh in a way that blew my mind each and every time. I couldn’t get enough of it. All I wanted was more, my hunger for him insatiable, this beast I didn’t think would ever be satisfied.
It was strange, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to hold on tight and never let go.
Still, I knew we were living in a bubble, in that fantasy life where things were perfect, when really, we hadn’t told anyone else about us even though we’d said we would. Where I could forget Josh didn’t do relationships because he was still in love with a man who’d died years ago. And where I could tell myself I didn’t care because in this place, with him, I didn’t always have to be responsible or worry about everyone else. It was as if he’d unlocked something inside me, this space I hadn’t known was there, and now I could just be in a way I’d never allowed myself to do.
I liked it.
I liked Josh.
I should have expected this. Josh made me feel desire for him because there was something there, this bond we had, and I should have figured it would grow.
Josh’s bed shifted as he rolled out of it. We slept together most nights, and we meditated some mornings, or he’d make me go jogging with him.
I watched as he walked naked toward his bathroom. His ass was…well, shit, it was tight and muscular. My dick twitched just watching him move.
He made it to the doorway, then gave me that stupid, cocky grin over his shoulder. “You watching me walk away, sweetheart?”
“You got a problem with it?”
“Hell no. I’ll put on a show for you anytime you want.” He turned around and did some silly dance, his flaccid cock flopping around. “Do you think I’m sexy?”
“Not when you do that.” But I did. I always thought Josh was sexy.
“Well, now my feelings are hurt,” he replied, and we both chuckled before falling silent. We stared at each other for a few moments. I had a feeling he was thinking about tonight, same as I was. It was the first official night when all our friends would be meeting up at the bar since we started doing this, and definitely since we’d decided we would tell people but never actually did. “You wanna shower with me?” he finally asked.
“Yeah, yeah I do.”
I got out of bed, and the two of us took a shower together. I kissed him against the wall, water sluicing down between us, bodies moving together, hips thrusting, my thumbs dancing over those nipple piercings that drove me out of my damn mind. Josh wrapped a fist around us, and we came together, heads thrown back, growls playing on our lips.
“Fuck, that felt good,” he said, and it did. I couldn’t help wondering if it was enough for him, though. Josh was used to sex and lots of it, but now he was always with me. He rubbed his thumb over my forehead. “You have the Grumpy G wrinkles. What are you thinking about so hard?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head. I felt like a fucking idiot, stressing about shit like that.
“Tonight will be okay. It’ll be good. I’ll follow your lead.” Josh was always doing that, always trying to put my needs, wants, and feelings above his.
“What about doing what feels most comfortable to you?”
“Making sure things are right for you is what makes me feel good—the things I can control, at least.”
Somehow, I knew that “things I can control” had to do with Doug. Jealousy infected me like a fast-moving virus. Shit. I was jealous over a dead man. I shouldn’t have been resentful at all, but I sure as shit shouldn’t be over someone who wasn’t breathing anymore. “Josh…”
“Come on, man. I gotta hurry and get ready for work.”
I knew him well enough to know the conversation was over. We finished our shower, got dressed—me transferring my turtle to the pocket of my jeans for the day. We had a quick breakfast and then headed out, Josh to his Mustang and me to my truck.
He stopped on the driver’s side, stood in his open door, and looked over the car toward me. “Hey.”
“Yeah?”
Josh opened his mouth, seemed to hesitate as if thinking about what he was going to say. Somehow, I knew the words that would come out wouldn’t be the original ones he’d planned. “See you tonight.”
“See you tonight,” I replied, then drove home.
It was ridiculous that it was strange to be in my own house. It felt too quiet, with only the creak of a floorboard and the whistling of a ceiling fan I needed to fix. Except for when I left for college, I’d lived in this house my whole damn life. There were memories around every corner: Me swearing to Kellan I’d kick some kid’s ass for teasing him when we were in school. Me talking to my dad about my fears about Chase’s father hurting him when we were young. Having sleepovers with Chase, and talking about sex, and pretending I was dying for it all the time the way he had been. Calling the school counselors after Mom and Dad died to talk to them about Kell. Worrying if I knew how to take care of him on my own, but knowing damn well I’d figure it out.