Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
“Miss Bathurst,” Lord Ashington greeted me formally when he made it to us just as the song had ended. “I believe I am promised the next dance.”
I knew he was not.
But Nicholas did not know this.
I stood there on my very own precipice.
I was not a liar and I would tell Nicholas the truth, but not at this moment. For right now I needed this dance. There may not be another chance such as this to speak to Ashington before my betrothal to his brother is announced. He may not need to hear it from me, but I needed to be the one to tell him. It was me who was foolish enough to fall in love with him after all. I was seeking closure and I hoped Nicholas would understand my decision.
Slowly I removed my hand from Nicholas’s arm and the small sense of security and support I had drawn from him was gone. Perhaps I had made the wrong decision. I thought I was strong enough to face Ashington, but without Nicholas beside me, maybe I was not.
Ashington held out his hand as the music started up again and as if I were watching someone else, I placed my hand in his and stepped away from my only friend and into the arms of the man who had broken my heart so easily. My body in turn reacted as if it had been given back to its rightful owner and hummed with pleasure from his nearness. Did the rest of me not realize my heart had been damaged by this man? Did those butterflies that were ever present in my stomach when he was near and the tingles from his touch not understand how very dangerous he was? Were we not all one and the same? Did they not feel the agony that I felt, knowing that he would soon hate me?
“I am sorry, Miriam,” he said without hesitation. I could feel the heat from his gaze on me, but I kept my eyes locked on nothing and everything but him. I did not trust myself to look up into his eyes, the color of the darkest blue seas. I dreamed of those eyes and the way they reminded me of a storm churning when he was aroused. No! I would not allow myself to get swept away with emotion and become weak. This was the man who had so easily forgotten me. Without explanation, he had acted as if we did not know each other at all.
“Me too,” I replied with a new found will. I swung my gaze to meet his, determined to say what needed to be said before this dance was over. “For trusting you,” I added. “It was a mistake. One I shall not make again. Today Nicholas asked me to marry him and I said yes. He chose me over the revenge he so harbored toward you. I can trust him,” I did not say ‘not to hurt me’ because I did not want my emotions to be laid bare to Ashington. He did not need to know how he had hurt me. It was done.
Ashington paused for a moment and stared at me as if he did not believe the words I was saying. I held my head high and my shoulders back. He may not think I was worthy enough to be his countess, but his brother did find worth in me. I would be a good wife and the incredulous look in Lord Ashington’s eyes would not break me. I would not allow it to. He couldn’t hurt me anymore.
“Nicholas accepts me for who I am,” I said, needing to remind myself possibly more than anything. “He wants me. Nothing more.”
Ashington continued to stare at me as if my words made no sense to him or if he could not believe what he was hearing. My chest felt as if it may explode from the pain I had said he could no longer cause me. I had been wrong. It appeared Lord Ashington could, indeed, cause me great pain with saying very few words or no words at all.
A deep breath was something that had become difficult to do under the duress of the breaking of my heart once again. At least that is what it felt was happening. Something utterly horrific inside me was exploding and I feared I may not survive it.
In that moment, an arm came around me and I heard Nicholas speak, but I wasn’t sure exactly what it was he said. Then we were walking, he and I. We were leaving the ballroom or perhaps the house. I did not know for sure. I was just relieved that I was being taken away from the crowd, the noise, from… Ashington’s eyes so full of disbelief.