Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
I remained frozen, unable to move. He was saying words that didn’t make sense. Nicholas had his own agenda and this did not play into his plans at all. I watched as he knelt down on one knee in front of me and he took both my hands in his.
“I am completely in love with you. It does not matter to me that you love another. I love you enough for both of us and I believe one day you will grow to love me too. Marry me, Miriam.”
I stared down at our hands joined together in my lap unable to meet his gaze.
“This isn’t what you wanted. Marrying me does not get the revenge on your brother you wanted. He does not want me.” My words came out in a whisper, as if there were others around that could hear me.
His hands held mine tighter. “Miriam, look at me,” he pleaded.
Unable to ignore him, for although I did not love him, he was my friend and I did care for him, I lifted my eyes to his. There was a gentleness there that was comforting. Something I had seen very little of in my life. Something I had craved.
“I came to London seeking revenge and instead I found you. You, Miriam Bathurst, changed everything. The anger, the bitterness, the hatred, it all melted away and all that was left was you. All I could see was you. All I wanted was you. You saved me from my own inner Hell.”
For the second time today, tears stung my eyes. This time I didn’t fight them. I didn’t withhold them. Perhaps I needed to cry. For all I had wanted. For all I had lost. For all I had dreamed about. And for what I had found. This wasn’t a love story. It was a story of redemption. It was a story of friendship.
I had always wanted to be loved and here was a man proclaiming his love for me. Could I want for something my entire life then when it was handed to me so selflessly walk away from it?
No. I could not. That wasn’t who I was.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Miriam Bathurst
With each movement, be it a full turn or slight move of hand, I knew I was being watched closely. The smile I kept on my lips wasn’t easy and I had no doubt that my dance partner noticed the less than genuine expression I was trying hard to keep in place. This was it, tonight, would be the last night I attended a ball as simply, Miriam Bathurst. There was no more time to decide. My decision had been made.
I stiffened as I moved in the arms of the man I had agreed to marry this morning in my aunt’s rose garden. He, however, wasn’t who I loved and I wished desperately that he was. I did not have forever to wait for the man I had thought might love me to realize he did. My mother and sister needed me to marry. Glancing up into beautiful green eyes of the man that held me, my smile became genuine, even if it was sad.
Tonight would be the last time I was given this freedom to enjoy his friendship and the simplicity of his company. So much would change and I hoped it didn’t destroy us all. For after I became his wife, the man my traitorous heart loved, would surely hate me. That was a pain far worse than any I could comprehend. Yet, I knew I would never have been his choice. He had made that clear with his failure to choose.
“You are quiet tonight,” Nicholas noted.
“Yes, I believe I am nervous,” I replied with honesty. For if we were to be married then I wanted to begin with truth always.
“It seems Ashington finds little else of interest in the room tonight,” Nicholas said, making it clear he was aware his brother was watching us or perhaps me.
“He must have been reminded of my existence tonight,” I quipped in an attempt to make light of the matter.
Nicholas smirked. “It does appear that way.”
The dance was not even yet at an end when Lord Ashington began to move through the crowd in our direction. I knew no one was aware of our recent betrothal, so his sudden attention could not be summoned from that knowledge. My hand tightened on Nicholas’s arm and I tried to steady myself before his arrival.
With a quick glance over his left shoulder, Nicholas took in the situation at hand and I felt him tense as well. Neither of us had been prepared for Ashington to approach us. I had assumed he would continue to ignore me as he had at the last ball. Why tonight did he choose to remind me how he made me feel? It was not as if I had forgotten. I was haunted with my feelings for him every moment.