Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 129084 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 645(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129084 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 645(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
The answer is likely no, but I know it won’t fix the damage.
Angling toward her, I lift her chin until our eyes meet. Hers are red around the lids and puffy underneath. There’s also not an ounce of hate to be found, despite how I just treated her. But I have a fucking stubborn side that won’t let this go without getting some answers. “Tell me you tried.”
Her eyes well with tears that gather in the corners. “I tried to find you, Noah. I swear I did. I went to the house and knocked on the door. I called and emailed every rental management property in the area to find out who rented it for the summer season. I was desperate to find you but didn’t know how.”
My heart thumps in my chest, watching her plead her case like she’s on trial and about to be found guilty. I can’t do this to her. She braved the world and brought my baby into it. She took care of him. He’s healthy and happy. Could I ask for more than just wanting to be a part of his life? That alone would be fucking amazing.
I say, “I believe you.” She sits up, those gathered tears falling. “It must have been difficult to go through alone.”
Her mouth opens but then closes again as she stares at me in disbelief. “You believe me?”
“I’m not happy that I missed so much of his life. All of it until now, but I have no reason to believe you’d lie to me when you didn’t have to tell me at all.” I look at the time and realize the lack of real sleep is catching up with me. “I don’t think this conversation can be constructive at this hour. There are a lot of details to go over and we’re not in the right frame of mind to do the work we need to.” I glance back at her, and add, “Biggest regret of my life is agreeing to no strings that night.”
“More than strings attached.” A halfhearted smile arises on her face. “Sorry. Too soon?” Her smile has lost its shine in the tension we’re caught in. This night’s been hard on both of us. “Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s the best thing to ever happen in my life.”
I hear the raw emotion in her voice and look over at her. She’s more beautiful than I’ve ever seen her. With her walls lowered, she sits in her vulnerability.
She wears her heart like an accessory on her sleeve instead of a shield over her chest. Beyond her sharing the truth, she’s letting me in to see the real her. The beauty of her heart and her strength in telling me are the reasons I trust her.
No matter how reactionary I’ve been, I owe her a debt of gratitude. “Thank you. Thank you for choosing to raise my son, thinking you’d be alone in that role.”
“Our son,” she says without anger or bitterness. She’s not wrong.
“Our son. Thank you for taking care of him, for loving him with your whole heart, but most of all, for protecting him because you’ve done a hell of a job.”
Though her chin is raised, a tear falls on the far side of her face. “I didn’t do it—”
“You didn’t do it for me. I know. You did it in spite of my absence, though. And that’s okay. He’s here.” I release her and stand, my focus on the bedroom where he sleeps. “He’s here because of you.” When she stands, I grasp her by the shoulders. “But you don’t have to do it alone anymore.”
Walking around the couch, I pace from the living room to the kitchen and back again, looping around. I’m able to start processing the reality of the situation. “I’m a dad.” As much as that scares the shit out of me, I’m grinning like a fool. “Look, Liv. I don’t want to upset you, but I don’t want to be upset either. This is good news. I have a son.” Throwing my hand out toward his room, I say, “I know things will be a fucking mess until we figure things out, but tonight, I just won the fucking lottery. I have a son.”
I’m usually so good at keeping my emotions in check, but this is big, biggest thing to ever happen to me, and I just want to celebrate. “I have a son. Maxwell Noah. Damn, it’s so good, Liv.”
“What?” Her concern brings her attention back to me, her eyes wide like saucers. “What is it?”
“His name.” I can’t be trapped in by shades that hide the view. I understand why she likes the privacy, but I roll one up to feel less closed in. I stare at the city, a cluster of buildings across from us with only a few lights dotting the windows at this hour. The sun will rise in the next few hours, but I start to wonder if it will reach us here. “You put Noah in there. For me.”