Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
I did everything I could to avoid getting serious. With anything. With anyone.
I kept it light, because that was my charm.
Usually, at least.
So why did I suddenly feel like Adam was about to shatter all of that into pieces?
“I think our last videos looked really good, but I honestly miss some of the homemade charm that came from your cell phone videos, too,” I said, keeping the conversation on the topic of filming because that was my comfort zone.
“All the videos are good. But I don’t really care about that right now,” he said, his tone warm and kind in a way that only made the hammering in my chest get louder.
I pushed my hair to one side, and then the other, glancing all around the room and trying to think of anything to look at other than Adam’s eyes, because every time I looked at him I felt like he was looking right through me, down to some deeper, scarier part of my mind that even I didn’t want to confront.
“God, does the sun look harsh this afternoon?” I asked, squinting at the golden light that usually seemed so buttery and soft to me. “It’s kind of hot in here. Actually, do you mind if we open the doors for some air?”
I was thankful as he went over to the doors and swung them wide, letting the late afternoon summer air into the room. Up here in the mountains, there were usually intermittent winds, and today was no exception.
The cooler air hit my skin. Outside, I could smell some neighbor firing up a charcoal grill. The sound of the birds came through the air. Everything was normal. There was no reason I couldn’t be normal. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out why the hell I couldn’t get a handle on myself.
Then I looked up and met Adam’s eyes, and instantly I knew it was a big mistake.
Heat pooled in my sternum. I may as well have melted right into the floor the moment his eyes were on mine.
Radiant green, kind and sweet, with one thing for sure: I knew I couldn’t hide anything from Adam.
Not the way I’d been doing it with everyone else, for many, many years.
“I’m falling for you, Chase,” he told me with a simple confidence.
The room had felt overly hot just moments ago, and now, somehow, I broke out in goosebumps.
He doesn’t mean it.
He doesn’t know what you’re really like.
Don’t let yourself feel whatever that makes you want to feel, because it’s all going to crumble in front of you.
I puffed out a hollow laugh, breaking eye contact with him and crossing over toward his bed. I was a little lightheaded, and I sat down on the edge of the mattress.
I glanced over toward the dresser by the doorway and caught sight of something I hadn’t noticed before: a bag of caramel apple lollipops. The exact brand I loved and had specifically told Adam about, before he even knew who I was online. The kind that he’d bought just for me, sucking on in the video he sent only to me.
I couldn’t process it. I couldn’t process anything, right now, other than the increasing feeling of my heart pounding in my chest.
“Get a taste of what it’s like to fuck a guy and now you want to tell him you’re falling for him?” I joked, already knowing it wasn’t going to land. But I didn’t know what else to say. “I know my ass is good, but you don’t have to do that.”
To my surprise, Adam actually smiled at my joke. He seemed unbothered by the fact that I was practically melting down in front of him right now. He was typically the more anxious one of the two of us, but right now he was calm as a placid lake.
Not running away from me.
Not wigged out by the strange way I was acting.
“You’re funny, but no,” he finally said, shifting and looking out the balcony doors toward the pine trees that lined his backyard. “It’s not just about how good your ass is. Although it is hot as hell, and I definitely do want to fuck you again.”
“Now we’re talking,” I said, swallowing.
I could always joke about sex. Another comfort zone of mine.
As long as he didn’t get all serious on me again.
He turned my way, looking happier and more sure of himself than I’d ever seen him look before.
“I want to be your boyfriend,” he said.
I snorted a laugh, looking down at the floor. “Adam, can we just set up for a video? I know it’s summer, but the light won’t last forever.”
“Would you try, with me?” he continued, blowing past what I’d just said. “Try to date me? Actually date me?”
“That’s a very cute thing to ask, but I know it’s not real,” I protested.