Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 103010 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103010 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
“You don’t have to…” But I wanted him to. I wanted to know it all.
He chuckled humorlessly. “Well, yes, I never have to do what I don’t want to, do I?”
No, he didn’t.
“This is important, though.” I nodded, held him tighter, and waited. A moment later Aidan continued. “My father…wasn’t a very nice man. He met my mother when she was seventeen. He was ten years older. She got pregnant with me at eighteen. He was very…possessive of her.”
“Dominant?”
“No, not like that. In an unhealthy way. She was young and insecure, and he took advantage of that. He didn’t allow her to go to college or work. She never had a job outside of the home. He wasn’t physically abusive, but he was verbally. He made her feel like she couldn’t survive without him, like she was nothing, and she believed him.”
Everything was beginning to click into place—why Aidan had been nervous about my age and why he insisted I be able to take care of myself; that I have my own income, even if he never let me use it, and why he wanted me to go to college. “You’re not your father.”
He kissed my temple, and it struck me then that we’d never properly kissed. Still, I enjoyed what he gave me.
“Thank you, precious boy. I appreciate that, but I’ve come to terms with who I am compared to who he is a long time ago. I know my dominance is nothing like his hateful control over her. She didn’t feel like she had a choice. You or anyone else I play with always know there’s a choice. Ultimately, you’re in control, because you choose to give power to me. And if it’s too much, you always have the power to end it, but yes, that’s why I want you to go to school and to be able to take care of yourself. I don’t want you to ever have to depend on me. I want you here because it’s where you want to be.”
“It is!” I nuzzled his neck. “It is the only place I will ever want to be.”
“I don’t know about that. You’re only twenty. You have a lot of life left to live, and I’m your only experience. You’ll want and deserve more, but that’s not what we’re talking about right now. I’d like to get this out, and then I want the conversation to end. I don’t want questions or to go into detail about it, okay?”
Well…no, it wasn’t really okay. It was obvious Aidan tried not to allow himself to feel anything about whatever it was, but I was sure he needed to. Still, I said, “Yes, Sir.”
“I was very close with my mother, much like you were with yours. She was…my world…along with my twin sisters, Amy and Arianna.”
“You have sisters?”
“Not anymore. I got in an argument with my father one day. We didn’t get along. I wasn’t the kind of son he wanted. He believed me soft because of how I protected my mom.”
Aidan soft? The man was crazy. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
“Don’t put me on a pedestal, Finley. I’m just a man like any other.”
There was no one like him, but I didn’t tell him that either.
“So…he went to work. My mom knew I was upset and tried to make me feel better. She took us to the beach, my favorite one. She told me I didn’t smile enough, and she wanted me to spend the whole day smiling, and…I did. It was a perfect day.” He paused, took a deep breath, then continued, steady and almost without emotion. “On the way home, there was an accident on the Pacific Coast Highway. My mom and the girls…didn’t make it. And tonight there was an accident, and I lost a patient the same age as my sisters were.”
“Aidan…”
“Shh. I’m not finished. I said I want to get this out and be done with it. The trauma made tonight…difficult. Next time I use you, it’ll be under different circumstances, and we’ll have talked about it first. I also owe you a thank-you; you served me well tonight, Finley. You gave yourself to me beautifully, and it was exactly what I needed.”
“Oh, Aidan.” There were a million things I wanted to say, but I knew he wouldn’t allow it. I knew he didn’t want to hear them or speak them, so again, I cried. I cried for the boy he had been and the man who went into trauma surgery because of the people he’d loved most in the world. I cried because I didn’t know if he had ever let himself cry over it, and maybe my tears would somehow soothe his aches.
He held me and kissed my head and rubbed my back.
What I had given him wasn’t enough, didn’t feel like it would ever be enough, so when my tears dried again, I asked, “Can I serve you more tonight?” I would give him everything if he wanted it. Always and forever.