Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 38978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 195(@200wpm)___ 156(@250wpm)___ 130(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 195(@200wpm)___ 156(@250wpm)___ 130(@300wpm)
I lifted myself up on an elbow as he held the glass to my lips; I could barely take a sip of water since food had been my enemy for the last eight days. I must've lost ten pounds already, pounds that I couldn't afford to lose, but who cared about that now, who cared what I looked like when my life had fallen apart when what I loved the most in this world had been ripped away from me? And the screwed-up thing about it is that I have no idea what the hell happened.
"Well, are you ready to talk now, or do you need more time?" That's my dad, the no-nonsense cop. He would coddle me, yes, but he would demand his answers.
"Dad." And the waterworks started again; why couldn't I get the words out of my mouth? This is why I was here after all, for his comfort and understanding, but where did I begin?
"Dad, I don't know what happened." Was that my voice sounding so little and broken?
"What do you mean, Suzette? You're all over the news, you and Gage and that, that Terry character, what were you thinking, or were you thinking at all?" Although the words stung, there was no heat to them as I knew there wouldn't be; no matter what, I knew there was at least one person on this earth who wouldn't judge me, and that was my dad. He had always been my rock, the one I looked up to, until my Gage. Oh gosh, my Gage, would he ever be that again? I don't think I could live in a world with him without being with him. He was my other half, my better half; how could I have been so stupid, so naïve? How could one momentary lapse in judgment destroy so many lives? I wish I had the strength to take my own life, but I was too much the coward for that, so instead, I came here to hide away and lick my wounds, heartsick and soul-weary.
I guess dad realized he wasn't going to get anything coherent out of me at this point because he laid me back on the couch, covered me with grandma's old Afghan, and patted my head a few times before kissing my forehead.
"Sleep Suzette, you look plain tuckered out. We'll talk whenever you're ready."
As I dropped off into the sweet abyss, my last thoughts were of him, my sweet Gage, my heart. I cried myself to sleep once more, hoping against hope that when I woke up, my world would be put back together again.
CHAPTER 11
I slept for quite a while, seeing as how I hadn't slept much in the past week. I had been going on autopilot ever since this shit storm had come down on my head. If only my fans could see me now, I looked like my on-screen character at her worst, well maybe not as bad but pretty close. I drew Gages' hoodie that I had filched that last day tighter around me. His scent still lingered faintly and was my only solace in this world of chaos; what had possessed me to grab it on that morning when I was making runs is
beyond me. It was as though some sixth sense had led me to grab it from the chair next to our bed where he had dropped it so carelessly just earlier that day. I had been wearing it for the past eight days for comfort, his scent was slowly fading, and I was beginning to panic; when that was gone, that would be the last of him I had left. I started to fold myself back into a ball of despair until I heard the gruff rumblings of my two older brothers. My heart squeezed in my chest at the thought of seeing them. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in their eyes; I had spoken to mom briefly that first day, but as usual, she was no help; her life in New York with her high-powered husband kept her too occupied apparently to deal with her daughter's life falling apart at the seams.
Jonas and Joshua were two years older at twenty-four, and though I knew the twins loved me, I also knew their views on what they called Hollywood's whoredom. They had warned me time and again about falling into a life of debauchery, which seemed to be their biggest fear when I had first gone off to be an actress. No one else from our little town had ever made that trek before, as far as I could tell, but when my local theatre director had spouted off about my potential and hooked me up with his contacts in the business, I had been sucked in. Imagine my surprise when a year and a half later, I met the most amazing boy, a man who happened to come from a city not too far away from where I’d grown up. For me, it was love at first sight; his crazy bronze-tinged hair, jade green eyes, and that smirking grin that melted my insides all came together to knock me off my feet. The fact that he returned those feelings was my one-in-a-million lottery win, and we'd been together ever since, until a week ago when I had stupidly thrown it all away. But how had I though? I still didn't understand; my mind wouldn't let me revisit my perfidy; every time I tried, I felt darkness overtake me and a panic attack coming on. The last few days have been like Dante's seven levels of hell, and I had visited every last one. The worst part wasn't what the news media and the tabloids were saying; it was calling Gage and being ignored first and then calling and being cussed out and hung up on. He had to know what that would do to me; he knew I could barely stand for him to be a little put out with me farther more to just cut me off. It leveled me is what it did; it ended my whole world. For the past three years, no matter what was going on, no matter the ups and downs, he was my one constant; in the midst of any turmoil, I would remember that I was going home to him, and nothing else would matter. Now my security was gone; I was an open, festering wound with no salve in sight. Would these tears ever end? Would I ever be whole again? I hadn't felt whole since my publicist Karen called and told me about those pictures, right backstage at the awards show, everything had been going so well that night, in fact, that whole day, but with one phone call, she had shattered my existence. I remember my limbs going weak, my head spinning, and my body breaking out in a cold sweat. I had found Gage right away and told him, what, I'm not quite sure. I just remember pleading with him not to leave me. I also remember the look on his face and in his beautiful eyes; oh, will I ever forget the devastation I had seen there? He had stayed still until he uttered those final words that had crushed what was left of the girl I had been. " Don't come home." Those were the words he had spat at me as he looked at me as though he could kill me with his bare hands. Those were the last words he said to me until the last couple of days when he would swear at me over the phone. Gage swore a lot, but in all the time we'd been together, no matter how angry I had made him, he never once called me names. He was my protector, my shield from all those harsh realities that a little small-town innocent like me wasn't ready for. Now he was gone, and I didn't know where to begin to pick up the pieces; I'd even tried calling his family, not for their support obviously, but just for someone to hear my side, but Connie had been so vile I had barely come away with my heart intact.