Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 38978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 195(@200wpm)___ 156(@250wpm)___ 130(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 195(@200wpm)___ 156(@250wpm)___ 130(@300wpm)
How did I go from America's darling to this? What kind of cosmic joke was at play here? Maybe I would wake up, and this would've all been a dream. I sniffed the last dregs of Gage's scent from the sleeve of his hoodie as I rocked myself back and forth on my dad's old worn couch. With no other recourses left to me, I did what I had been doing for the past week, I texted him knowing there would be no reply, but it was somewhat cathartic for me to do it; in some small way, it was a connection to him. My heart hurt, and the tears flowed as I heard my family heading into the living room where I was hiding. "I love you, Bubby; please forgive me." Send.
CHAPTER 12
The strings of Gotye's, somebody that I used to know, alerted me to an incoming text. Two guesses as to who that was from. It was amazing what you could come up with at three in the morning when you were feeling pissed off and mean. Bubby. That was her pet name for me; it was derived from some old-world endearment that she had learned from her grandmother, or at least that's what she’d told me. For all I know, it could be Russian for sucker. Angry much, Gage? This talking to myself shit was a fucking hoot, but I digress; the family was harping at me about talking to her. I had finally broken down and told Brian to give James the go-ahead to do an in-depth investigation into what the fuck had happened. I knew that fucker would leave no stone unturned.
It was only after a long talk with my sister, where she pointed out the incongruity of Suzette's actions to me, that I relented a little. She raised some doubts that I had had fleetingly but was too pissed to examine. I was waiting for word from James before I made a move; already, I knew she was home in the next town over with her father, a short one-hour drive away. Knowing she was that close brought me comfort, and that pissed me the fuck off, too; why should I care that she was here where I could get to her without the specter of the asshole paparazzi lingering behind every bush waiting to ambush us? Because if there was one thing I knew, it was that Captain Steve Sorenson would never allow those fucks in his town, especially not if they were there to hound his beloved daughter.
Bubby, I was her Bubby, and she was my butterfly. Suzette had convinced herself that she wasn't the beauty that me and the rest of the world perceived. She'd told me about her life growing up in the small town where she had been the shy book nerd who didn't shine until she was on a stage. She was the clumsiest person I knew, the girl could trip over her own feet but put her up on a stage or in front of a camera, and she broke out of her cocoon and shone like the brightest star. "Please forgive me."
I think those words were what drove me over the edge; why would she need forgiveness if nothing happened? This wasn't wild speculation from the tabs; these were her own words sent to me privately again and again.
My stomach rolled again as I envisioned the pictures of him standing behind her, her small frame enclosed in his arms. As long as I live, I will never be able to erase that shit from my mind. I felt anger building once again as I fought to hold onto my sanity once more. Being here was helping though I could already feel it. With my family hammering away at me and having other people's opinions circulating in my head instead of just my own fuckery went a long way to easing some of the pain that had had a choke hold on me for the last little while.
I looked at her text one last time before deleting I wasn't ready yet. I happened to hear a snippet of an entertainment news broadcast as I was heading downstairs; of course, yours truly was the topic of conversation; who the fuck was on this time of day? Fuck my life.
Jonas and Joshua sat on either side of me on the couch. Neither said anything, just stared as though waiting for something. I turned to Joshua, the oldest by all of three minutes, but who played the big brother to the hilt.
"Joshua..." I broke.
"Sssssh, baby sis, it's gonna be okay, hush now." When he enfolded me in his strong arms, I felt the first real relief I'd felt in a long, long time. They weren't the arms I needed, but I would take this little bit of comfort for myself.