Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 38978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 195(@200wpm)___ 156(@250wpm)___ 130(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 195(@200wpm)___ 156(@250wpm)___ 130(@300wpm)
"Morning, son, you're out and about early."
I sighed as I dropped onto a stool at the kitchen island. I pulled the fuck out of my hair, much as Jonathan had been doing the night before. I wish I was six years old again so I could let my mother handle all my shit, but then again, if I was six, I wouldn't be having this problem. No paparazzi, no dirty old douche trying to steal my girl, and no Suzette.
"I went for a drive." I was so not ready to share my nocturnal excursion with anyone. I watched absently as my mom prepared breakfast. Usually, she had help, but with my fuckery and the need for privacy, she didn't want to risk it, not that we couldn't trust the staff, they'd been with us since before I was born, but sometimes it paid to be cautious. Mom droned on about some shit in the background as my mind wandered to where it had been for the past week and a half. Suzette. Fuck Suzette, what am I gonna do with you? As if in answer, Gotye rang out in the morning stillness of the kitchen. Fuck it.
CHAPTER 16
I awakened this morning feeling Gage's presence with me; for the first few seconds, I smiled, thinking he was here, that it had all been a very bad dream, but when I opened my eyes, he wasn't there, and the agony was almost unbearable. I think I'm losing my mind because I can smell him, that clean scent of the outdoors and Burberry mixed with his own personal scent; I could've sworn he touched me while I slept; I could still feel his phantom lips against my brow.
I didn't have the strength to face another day without him, this was the longest we had ever gone without each other, and I wondered how he could go on without me for so long when he never could before. That, more than anything, convinced me that it was over; Gage hated to spend even one night apart; in fact, since the first night we made love and slept in each other’s arms, it had been damn near impossible for either of us to sleep without the other.
So how could he bear it now? Where was he? Who was he with? Was there someone else comforting him? The thought was like a knife to the heart; I couldn't bear it. And with that, my mind flashed to the upheaval that I had caused, me all on my own. I rushed to the bathroom to throw up...nothing; I dry heaved for what felt like hours but could only have been a minute or two. My stomach was raw, and my body hurt; I hadn't eaten in so long I'd lost track. I hadn't read a newspaper since that first day when all the headlines screamed at me. And those pictures, just the thought of my Gage seeing me like that made me sick, and this is where I shut down; I never allowed myself to go there; I couldn't, I don't think I ever would. I hated myself, hated my stupid guts for what I had done to him to us. I didn't deserve him, his love and devotion, all the care and adoration he had showered me with for the past three years, especially behind closed doors, away from the public eye, in the privacy of our home. He had treated me like the rarest of gifts, and I had squandered it all away.
The cold tiles of the bathroom floor felt good against my flushed skin, so I decided to rest my eyes just for a little while. I would be sure to get up before dad woke up. Reaching into the pocket of his hoodie, I removed my cell phone and made the only connection I could with him now, an unanswered telephone. I listened to the ringing on the other end as tears poured down my face. "Bubby, I need you please." I had no idea what I sounded like at that moment. All I knew was that I had to go away from the pain again. Into the sweet abyss of sleep, maybe this time I wouldn't awaken to this nightmare. Maybe I could just drift away in my sleep from a broken heart. Anything would be preferable to living without him.
I knew it was her calling, of course, but still, I hesitated to answer. By the time I got my nerve up, the call was headed to voicemail. I could barely make out the whispery content of her plea, but the tinny sound of her voice left me cold.
"Butterfly." I flew off the stool and headed for the door.
" Gage...?" I think I scared the fuck out of my mother.
"Suzette..." that's all I got out before I was running to my car, no thought and no direction; I just knew everything inside of me told me to get to her before it was too late.