Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 46847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
I think about spending the day with her, all day, and somehow resisting her body, the sound she makes when she’s horny, the excitable glint in her eyes.
My muscles tighten and bulge against my skin as if trying to make me explode.
“Okay,” I tell her. “I’ll try. But that better not include kissing.”
She laughs as she shakes her head. “Isn’t kissing intimate?”
I grin. “I love when you use that word.”
We kiss again, deeper this time.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Faye
As we drive farther away from the city, I sit in the passenger seat, the water glistening alongside us. It’s another bright day, the sky blue, seeming to become more vivid the further we get away from the city.
Lola was supportive when I told her about the photography trip. There was no doubt in her mind, no suspicion.
“I hope you get some good pics.”
She’s not imagining that I’d be sitting here, fighting the need to reach over and squeeze onto Felix’s taut muscled forearm.
I look at him as he drives, his hand confidently on the steering wheel, one arm hanging out the window as we cruise down the highway. He’s wearing shorts and a T-shirt, the fabric loose, settling gently against his muscles as though trying to outline them only teasingly.
He glances over at me and smirks.
“No intimate stuff, remember?”
I grin, laughing. “Who said anything about that?”
“You did,” he chuckles. “But yeah, fair enough, you didn’t use words.”
“Do you think you can read me that easily?”
“Yes,” he says confidently, without a pause.
I smile even wider, warm sensations dancing over me.
But then my mind goes to last night, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, remembering the photo shoot and how hot I felt, how wanted…all coming from the man I’ve always dreamed would want me.
Then I heard Lola in the next room, reciting medical terms, attempting to commit them to memory, and I tried to push the feeling away.
But I couldn’t. I could never push Felix away.
“I was thinking last night,” he says a few minutes later.
“Hmm?”
“About what I told you. About Maddie.”
“Yeah?”
He sighs as we join the road that will lead us to the suburbs and then the countryside.
“It’s similar to how you could be feeling,” he says, his voice tight as though it’s difficult for him to say this. “I was confused. I met an older person. I thought it’s what I should be doing…because, hell, that’s what people do. They get into relationships. They try it out. Sometimes, they even say things they don’t mean because they think they should. Or they feel awkward.”
He glances at me again.
“Did you say anything you didn’t mean?”
“To Maddie, yes. I regret it. But I told her the stuff she told me, about how much I cared about her, stuff like that. It was wrong.”
“But about me?” I say firmly, knowing I probably sound selfish.
If I can’t be a little selfish now when the relationship of my dreams is at stake, when can I?
“I meant every word,” he says gruffly. “Every. Single. One. I’d never lie to you about this…about us.”
I let out a breath. “Okay. Phew.”
“But what about you?” he asks.
“What about me?”
He laughs, shaking his head. “Goddamn, Faye. I thought I was being pretty obvious. Is there any chance you’re confused about me?”
“No,” I cut in.
My core gives one of its now-familiar pulses. I know that’s definitely in my mind. There’s no way my freaking core is actually doing that. But it feels that way every time I think about ending this. Like my body won’t let me.
It knows the life waiting for us if we can somehow make this work.
“I’ve got no confusion about us,” I tell him. “Well, apart from the obvious.”
He glances again, frowns, and turns back to the road.
It’s like we’re playing a game, referencing Lola without using her name, as though those four letters will shatter everything.
“I mean it,” I go on. “If you weren’t….”
Lola’s dad.
But he doesn’t need me to say it. He knows what I’m hinting at.”
“There would be nothing stopping us,” I finish.
“Not even our age gap?”
“I don’t care about that,” I tell him honestly. “I mean, I do…I kind of like it. Not even kind of. I like it, Felix.”
“Why?” he asks softly.
Because you’re mature and experienced and can help guide me through life.
Because you’re strong and sophisticated and intelligent and all the things the boys my age aren’t.
Because I want you, need you, and trying to make sense of it never makes any sense.
“Um… duh.” I try for a laugh, but it comes out hollow and false, even to me. “It’s that silver hair. It’s too freaking handsome.”
“Silver?” he chuckles. “I think there’s another word for it.”
He’s talking about gray, but that seems too dull to me. It doesn’t match with him.
“If there is, I’ve never heard of it.”
He glances at me again; I know he can sense I’m holding something back. But then he focuses on the road.