Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“I don’t think you’ll ever believe me.”
“Don’t do this.” It wasn’t supposed to be this way, dammit. He couldn’t lose her again.
“Please.”
But this time, all he could hear was the sound of her tears—-
And she was crying the way he had used to shed tears.
Crying like his pain was leaving her no choice—-
The same way her pain once left him no choice but to leave.
“I’m not blaming you for this.” Her voice broke.
And his own heart broke along with it.
“It’s just one fucking day, senpai—-”
She laughed. She cried. She choked.
All of it telling him that it wasn’t just that.
And that deep inside he had to know this, too.
One step forward, two steps back.
That was what his one fucking day meant.
“You walked out on me the first time we met in school, but you couldn’t stop yourself from worrying over me. You asked your friends to check on me, but you called me a mistake. You saved me from getting raped, but you asked me to get the f-fuck out of your life—-”
She let out a little gasp, the sound like something torn out of her throat, and it ripped a piece of his heart.
“And now...when I’m getting too close, y-you let another girl get close, too.”
Another laugh, another sob, another choking sound of pain.
“D-do you see a pattern h-here?”
Yes.
God.
Yes.
“I just didn’t want to risk hurting you again,” Yuki said rawly. “That’s all, senpai.”
“I know.” And she was crying again.
“Because I love you.”
“I know.” Crying like she could never stop—-
And wasn’t this exactly what he had wanted to avoid in the first place?
“I’m sorry I messed up your life again.”
It was exactly what he wanted to say, and yet...why were the words coming from her?
“I really did think we could make it work this time, but I guess...”
A laugh, a cry, and a sound that only broken people could make, three notes spelling the same melody that her tears had been singing over and over, from the moment she answered his call.
“I promise you. It w-will be different this time. It won’t be like before. We m-might go our separate ways again, but you haven’t destroyed me. Haven’t ruined me at all. No one can do that to me anymore—-”
“And I’m supposed to believe you?” he asked dully.
“Yes,” she said so very simply. “Because I’ve gone through worse.”
Yuki didn’t speak a word. He didn’t know if he could believe her. How could something be worse than this?
“Kelly has cancer, Yuki.”
Ah.
“She’s had it for some time, and it’s b-been rough, but...”
There was that melody again, that damn three-note melody that he was so damn close to replicating as well.
“I’m hanging on.”
And now everything was becoming so painfully clear.
“Senpai—-”
“I never told you because I didn’t want your pity and I didn’t...I didn’t want you to feel tied down.”
He understood what she was saying, understood that he had gotten so many things wrong, but...so had she.
How could she even think she was capable of making him feel tied down?
The only way that could happen was if he didn’t want to be with her—-
And that would never happen.
“You should have told me from the start,” he said bleakly.
“I didn’t want to risk you thinking I’m w-weak. But...”
And for the last time, he heard it.
Laugh. Cry. And that unnamed, indefinable sound of pain.
“You get it now, don’t you? I’m no longer weak. I’m stronger. So please don’t worry about me. Please try...please try to remember me with a smile this time. Because that’s all I really wanted, you know? I love you, and it means I just want to see you smile – even if it means I can’t be with you.”
He heard a telltale click, Katerina severing the call—-
And it was as if she had cut his lifeline as well.
His cellphone slipped from his fingers and crashed to the ground.
No.
Yuki knelt down and clumsily reached for his phone. He called her, again and again, his urgency and desperation turning into full-blown panic with every call that remained unanswered.
No.
Rising to his feet, he stalked out of the balcony, and one look at Yuki’s hard face had guests hastily clearing a path for him. He caught sight of his father’s look of surprise and concern, but it didn’t even make him pause in his stride.
Right now, only one person mattered.
And he had to get to her now.
Taking the elevator to the hotel’s basement parking, he called his father’s right-hand man, knowing that Saito-san was on call 24/7. “I need you to look something up for me,” Yuki said without preamble as soon as the older man picked up. He fed Saito-san all the information that Katerina had provided about the place she had rented out.
By the time he made it to Asakusa, Saito-san had also delivered, and Yuki had an address.
Please let it not be too fucking late.