Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
You know...don’t you?
Why does it seem that those words have turned into a cliché between the two of us? Do we keep using them just because we’re comforted by the knowledge that it’s true – that only two people who love each other can only know of things that haven’t been spoken?
Or could it be because of something worse? Are we saying these words just because we’re waiting for one or the other to mess up and prove to us both that what we’re hoping for is impossible—-
You know...don’t you?
Are they merely there to prepare us for the pain, knowing that one day, we’d have to accept things can’t ever work between us again?
I close my eyes the moment they start to sting, and when I hear him suck in his breath, I know that it’s answer enough for him.
Yes, I do know.
Everything.
And I’ve known for quite some time, actually—-
“Why?” Yuki’s voice is toneless. “Why have you never asked me about—-”
The way he suddenly stops speaking makes my heart ache. That look I glimpsed in his eyes earlier – it’s in his voice now. The fear of seeing me break down, along with the realization that no matter which words he use, no matter how he phrases it, anything he says will hurt.
I love him, and he knows it.
He’s practically engaged to another woman, and I know it.
How can that not tear me apart?
“Lace did a little digging for me.” I try to smile again, but this time my lips can’t stop trembling enough to form one.
Yuki’s jaw clenches. “I see.”
I’m sure he does. He knows as well as I do that by asking Lace to help me, I’d have all the information I’d need.
And I do.
I know that the girl’s name is Hikari, and her family was one of the few who cared to lend a helping hand to the Himuras in the wake of the scandal. I also know that the tables have now turned, and in face of the financial struggle of Hikari’s family, Akito-san has proposed an omiai between their children—-
And Yuki and Hikari have been seeing each other since then.
“Senpai...” His fingers find mine.
I know he’s waiting for me to speak, but I can only hold on to his hand.
A moment later, and he’s hauled me close, crushing me to his chest the moment he feels me shudder.
“I’m sorry.”
It’s the last thing I want to hear from him, and it gives me the courage to soldier past the pain. I look up and cup his face, saying fiercely, “There’s no need to be. You t-told me she’s not your girlfriend, and I b-believe you.” I hate the little tremors in my voice, but I know it’s better than not having the strength to speak at all, and make him think that I had lied about not being weak anymore.
I look into his eyes. “You told me you’re n-not dating and that there’s nothing for me to worry about—-” I swallow hard. “So I’m not going to worry.”
A stricken look crosses his face, and I know he understands even the things that I’m not saying.
Once, I was foolish enough to think that I could control everything, that I could solve everything on my own. I never even considered asking Yuki for help, never considered trusting in our feelings. I did so many things out of desperation, and yet all it succeeded in doing was making me lose him.
I’m not going to make the same mistake again.
His hands suddenly take mine in a tight grip. It’s painful enough to almost make me wince, but I don’t complain. The way he’s holding me lets me pretend that he will never ever let me go, and now is one of those times that I’d rather lie to myself than face the truth.
“Two weeks,” he mutters hoarsely. “All I’m asking you is for two weeks to let me fix things between—-” He stops again.
“Between you and Hikari?”
Yuki flinches.
“You can mention her name,” I say softly. “Saying it won’t make me stop believing you.”
His breath expels in a hiss. “I just don’t want to keep hurting you—-”
“You’re not. You didn’t want this to happen. None of us wanted any of the bad things that happened. They just do, and if the past has taught me one thing, then it’s that we should stop blaming ourselves for them.”
He doesn’t answer but just pulls me close, and my eyes squeeze shut when I feel his lips graze the touch of my head.
“Two weeks,” he repeats in a low, guttural voice. “It’s all I need, and I promise...” His arms tighten around my body. “No one else but you will have a claim on me.”
I feel like crying and laughing at his words. Such old-fashioned words for a twenty-year-old, and yet, when it’s Yuki—-
It feels right.