Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“You’re still a kid. You know there are some things that are out of your control, right?”
That.
“I miscalculated,” I mumble. “It won’t happen again.”
Kelly doesn’t speak. Like all loving mothers, she doesn’t have the heart to call her daughter a liar to her face.
Three months ago, my parents had to rush me to the ER for a panic attack, and though I didn’t have to stay in the hospital, they had warned me that I was overdoing it. Even Yuki had pleaded with me not to overdo it, and to make them happy, I had promised them I wouldn’t overdo it.
And yet here we are.
My heart starts to pound when she slowly sits at the edge of my bed. I just know she’s going to say something I don’t want to hear, but it’s also something I’m powerless to stop.
“Baby.” Kelly’s voice suddenly cracks, and the sound tears me apart. “This isn’t the way to love a person. You can love a person without loving yourself less.”
My fingers start crumpling the edges of the sheets.
“You’re a smart girl. You must know that—-”
“I do.”
“Then why is it that the things you’re doing are making me think it’s the opposite?”
I don’t answer. I can’t. The way she’s asking me is like she wants me to choose—-
And I’m scared.
I’m scared if she keeps pushing, she’ll realize I’ve already made my choice.
“I don’t want you to hate me, baby.”
My world starts to collapse, and I whisper brokenly, “I can never hate you, Mom.”
“Maybe not now, but if this continues, I can’t just stand by and let you kill yourself—-”
I flinch at her words. “It’s not like that—-”
“It is!” The words are almost a scream. It shocks me, but worse than that, hearing herself scream at me makes Kelly’s face crumple.
Oh, Mom.
But it’s too late.
I’ve already made her cry.
“I’m s-sorry, Mom.” Kelly pulls me into her arms. “I’m s-so s-sorry.” And now I’m weeping like the stupid, foolish kid I really am. “I d-didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
“I know, baby.”
“I j-just want it the way it used to be. Why d-did things have to change? It’s n-not fair.”
“It truly isn’t.” Kelly pulls away to give me a tremulous smile. “But you also knew that from the start, didn’t you?” She raises one trembling hand to wipe my tears, and her touch is so tender it breaks my heart anew.
“M-Mom.”
“I’m listening, baby.”
But I’m crying too hard I can no longer speak. And when she hugs me, I realize I don’t have to. She knew all along what was inside my heart, heard the words I wanted to say but hadn’t been able to.
I’m scared.
I’m so scared, Mom.
So bloody scared.
I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him.
SO, CONFESSION: I DO crazy things when I’m hurt. The first time Yuki and I broke up, I sort of, kind of, went into this bad-girl phase where I drank a lot and dry-humped practically every guy in school. The second time we broke up, I ended up in a hospital. The third and final time, I got a tattoo without telling anyone.
And now, here we are again. Three years have passed, and he still has the power to make me do crazy things – like signing up randomly for a college-sponsored gaijin goukon. He really is the Ursula to my Ariel, but I’m determined to change that starting now.
I’m going to find another guy and complete the moving-on process, blast it.
Squaring my shoulders, I open the door to the karaoke room that’s listed as our meeting place, ready to do battle and find my Mr. Right—-
Oh, shite.
“Welcome!” The cheers, laughter, and hooting are all coming from the Jacuzzi. Yes, a Jacuzzi. A bloody Jacuzzi inside a karaoke room. Tokyo, my love - you slay me. You really do.
A girl in a black bikini ascends the steps of the pool like Venus rising from the sea, and honestly, she does look like it, too. Her curves make the old Coca-Cola bottle look like a test tube, and her hair’s the most amazing shade of auburn.
“Hello, fellow gaijin.” The latter means ‘foreigner,’ which this dating party is exclusive to. “I’m Nina,” she continues cheerfully. “And you must be Katerina, right?”
I’m startled. “How did you know?”
Nina laughs. “Because you’re the last one to arrive, darling.” She points to one of the doors in the corner, saying, “That’s the changing room. There are new swimsuits you can choose from. You’ll just have to pay for it when we check out. But as you can see with the others—-” She nods towards the Jacuzzi, and that’s when I notice how some of the girls are only in their underwear.
“Oh.”
Nina laughs again. “I guess you can say that.” She gestures to the bar on the other counter. “Want to grab a drink first?” When she sees me hesitate, she asks, “Is this your first time at a goukon?”