Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 82250 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82250 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Hayden checks on the cookies in the oven. In sweat pants and a tank top, it’s clear he was having a bed day, and I kind of feel bad for interrupting. He removes his glasses and sets them down on the kitchen island, the overhead fluorescent light glistening off the lenses. He takes a sip from his coffee mug as he sits on the stool beside mine.
“Are your parents super-religious or something?” he asks.
“No. It’s just…I have this sister, and she’s always gotten into trouble. It’s a long story. I don’t want to upset them.”
“You think they’ll be more upset about you being gay…or about never having really known their son?” His words hit me hard. They remind me of how little I tell them because I’m gay. All I can think about is those looks in their eyes as they seem to beg for me to talk to them about my life, to tell them I’m happy and not just sad and alone in my condo.
“Maybe you need to figure that out,” Hayden says. “But it sounds like you guys were fighting about more than that. You said he hasn’t heard anything from this guy who you both have been working hard to please so he’d invest in Travis’s business, and he has this big party coming up that obviously, for whatever reason, stirs up family shit—shit you probably don’t know anything about.”’
The problem is I do know about it.
I should have been more sensitive. Travis was feeling vulnerable. I know how he gets—defensive. I’m normally good at keeping my cool when he gets that way, but tonight, he hit such a sore subject that I lost it. Got defensive right back at him.
“It sounds like you were pushing him to do something you knew he didn’t want to do,” Hayden says, “so of course he was going to do the same to you.”
“You’re right,” I admit. I take a sip of my drink. “We’ve never had a fight. Not like this. I mean, he was pissed.”
But I know him well enough to know that when he gets angry, it’s because he’s hurt. And knowing I hurt him tears me up. I should have been there for him after he told me that stuff about his father. I should have set aside my own insecurities and soothed him.
“I should’ve kept my stupid mouth shut.”
“It’s not a crime to have a fight, Gary,” Hayden says, seeming amused by how seriously I’m taking this. “Considering all that you guys had going on, it was bound to happen. It sounds like you’re both trying to figure out where you stand now that your relationship is totally different.”
Relationship? There’s a word I don’t want to hear right now.
As I start to breathe normally again, already feeling relaxed chatting with Hayden about this, I feel kind of silly for having forced my bullshit on him.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I shouldn’t have come here. I know we haven’t talked over the years, but—”
“Oh, shut up, Gary. That’s the way it goes. You run into people in similar circles, but being in a relationship, you have obligations. Certain people that you have to hang with. Me and Lance are the same way. You and me have always had a good time together, and I wouldn’t go running off to have a guys’ night with just anybody. This is what friends are for.”
I smile at him referring to himself as my friend.
“I don’t have a lot of those,” I admit. “When I was with Peter, I ran with the circles he ran in. Sort of took on his life rather than making my own. Derek was the only friend I had outside of Peter’s friends. Oh, and Peter hated him so much. Although Derek was never his biggest fan either.”
I smirk as I remember some of the clever insults Derek would use against him.
“We’re in the same boat then,” Hayden says. “I’m always hanging around Lance’s friends, but I never took the time to make my own, and now he’s gone so much for work, and I sit here by myself. Gets lonely.”
“Why don’t you hang out with his friends?”
“Those assholes?” he asks, a playful expression on his face, but I can tell he’s serious. It’s how I’ve always felt about a lot of Peter’s close friends.
“It’s hard to find good people in the world, Gary. But when you find them, you have to keep them around.”
He’s a sweetie, and I appreciate how at ease he’s made me just listening to my rant about Travis.
“So now that we’re basically old-time friends,” he says, “you want my real opinion of this Travis shit?”
“Rather than your fake opinion?”
“Don’t be a Derek,” he teases me as he offers a glare.
I smile.
“You really like him. And from what you told us the other night, I think you’re bothered that he doesn’t feel the same, so you weren’t lashing out at him about your parents, but about the fact that you feel like every time you’re around him, he’s rejecting you.”