Exposing the Groom Read Online Rachel Van Dyken

Categories Genre: Chick Lit, Contemporary, Funny Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 66259 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
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He opens his mouth.

“Not a single word,” I hiss.

He points to Killian.

“Yes, he can talk because he knows the entire backstory, and you’re bound to over sell what you don’t know, and somehow I’ll end up pregnant with twins to trap this one into marriage, and you know what? Stop it, I don’t like that look in your eyes.” I glare at Killian. “Or yours.”

“My eyes are normal.”

“They’re very green.” I sniff.

“Thank you.” He takes a step closer to me.

Adrian shoves an arm between us.

“So…” My sister stands in front of us. “I’m sure there’s a story here somewhere. Or multiple stories.” I can tell she’s ready to sink her teeth into Adrian. She would be the type to sleep with him the night before her wedding. Thank God, Adrian knows how awful she is, not to mention he took vows.

“Actually,” I pipe up. “We were just leaving.”

She frowns. “You know, I did a head count several times and I could have sworn that on your invite you said plus one.” She jabs a finger at me. “And the ex-boyfriend priest wanna-be didn’t even respond, which leaves us at an odd number.”

I can see the panic on Adrian’s face.

“That’s my fault.” Killian sweeps right on in. “I’m the plus one and Adrian over here was embarrassed to go on his own, you know on the part of being bisexual and breaking up with his last lover, so we told him to come last minute so he could mend his broken heart.” A groomsman walks by and releases a hearty belch. “What sheer luck you have, Adrian! Maybe he’s free.”

The guy in question is Rob’s best man and so drunk he’s currently swaying back and forth near the table.

My sister glares at him. “Mikey, if you can’t handle your liquor stop chugging it, I swear if you puke anywhere near my dress tomorrow, I’ll hang you by your toes from the nearest tree until you really blackout.”

“Well!” Killian rubs his hands together. “On that scary note, I’ll just take our half of the loverboyness, and go get freshened up again. He just got here, so he’s exhausted.”

Adrian nods.

“Between you and us, it happens when you’re single and you just beat that meat so hard your hands start to shrivel up like other parts of your body. Exhaustion by dick is a real thing, especially when you struggle with becoming aroused, but…” He slaps Adrian on the back. “…lucky for us he turns himself on quite well! Don’t you, little buddy?”

Adrian’s nostrils flair.

“Anyway…” He turns Adrian toward the door. “We’ll be back after the next threesome.”

Dead. He’s dead.

“Threesome?” My sister repeats so loudly that several people at the table next to us start whispering. “Not at my wedding, gross, what? You lose one groom and now you sleep with anything? Even in front of your fiancé? You’ve changed, Scarlett. I’m worried for you.”

No, she just wants to embarrass me.

“Um, don’t knock it until you try it?” I offer in a weak voice while Killian escorts us out of the upstairs room and directly into Dustin.

“God provides again.” Killian jokes. “Dustin, perfect timing.”

Dustin tugs at his tie, sweat pours from his temples. “I looked everywhere, and then there was a—” He’s making a motion with his hands that makes no sense. “Cat, giant cat.”

“A giant house cat?” Killian asked.

“No, no,” Dustin pants. “Chased me, there was so much screaming.”

“I think he’s hallucinating from the run.” I touch his forehead. “He’s clammy.” We keep walking down the stairs, Dustin stumbles after us.

When we make it to the main lobby, Animal Control is outside and a small cougar’s being put into a cage.

Killian bursts out laughing. “Oh, shit man, you got chased by a cougar? Please tell me you at least attempted to zigzag.”

Dustin looks ready to puke.

Adrian walks around all of us and gives the cougar cage a wide berth when we make it outside and finally says, “A threesome? My male lover? What the hell!”

Dustin stops walking. “But there’s four of us. What the hell did I miss while near death?”

Adrian hisses at the cougar. “Demonic ball of Satan.”

I sigh. “He hates any and all cats.”

“They have no soul,” he mutters.

“Dogs do,” Dustin says.

“That’s because all dogs go to heaven, and who are you? I do like you, I mean not enough to ever do you, not that that would ever be an option, but your theology is sound.”

Dustin chirps right up. “Yes well, I did study world religions in college.”

“Wow.” Killian exhales. “It’s already a really long evening.”

I take a few deep breaths. “Let’s just get back and strategize.”

“Wait.” Adrian stops walking. “Does this mean you really are staying in his room after I specifically told him to back off?”

Killian grins over at him. “We checked in and then I did what any respectful gentleman should do…” Oh no, oh no, don’t say it, don’t say it, I lunge for him but I’m too late. “I got her wet.”


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