Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“With you?”
“No. With Chad.”
“Fucking what?”
Jordan throws his hands up. “Thank you. Apparently he’s all in love because while he was recovering, Chad looked after him and gave him more than just a physical connection, which is all I was to him.” He lowers his voice. “It’s all I ever am to them. Someone pretty to have on their arm and in their bed until they get bored of me.”
“I’m so sorry, Jordan. That’s shitty.” And now I want to kill Ben. Maybe Jordan will need to provide me an alibi.
“So I was trying to be strong and pretend like I don’t care—because I don’t. I don’t.”
“You do, but you’re allowed to, so go on.”
“No, I really don’t. I knew he wasn’t going to be forever.”
“But you still gave him a part of you, and he betrayed that, so you’re allowed to care, and you’re allowed to be mad. You don’t have to be in love or have feelings for someone to hate them for the shitty thing they did.”
Jordan stops pacing and blinks at me for a brief moment before he goes back to pacing. “Anyway. I told him we went away together and now we’re a thing. Because I’m immature like that.”
“You chose self-preservation again. Hey, you’re getting good at that.”
His gray eyes meet mine. “You’re not mad? This could have the fans turning on you if we were to claim this publicly or if Ben tells everyone, which is a possibility.”
“The media thinks we’re together anyway. I don’t think there’s putting that back in a box.”
“This could make the movie a difficult work environment.”
“Ben has already achieved that, not only when it comes to you, but with me as well. He’s hated me since the beginning. This is nothing new.”
“Why … how …” Jordan’s mouth closes.
“Why, how, what?”
“Why are you being so good about this?”
“Because I care about you and you’re hurt? Because on some level, I think Ben deserves it? Because after working with him for only a couple of weeks, I know I never want to work with him again?”
“He could stop you from getting other roles. He could play the diva card and say you were terrible to work with. He could—”
I hold up my hand. “He can’t touch me. At least not with the Coby movies. The studio won’t fire me from them, at least.”
“What about advancing your acting career? Being taken seriously.”
“Do you want me to be mad? I can if you really want.”
“No, I want you to really think about what could happen if you agree to this. We have an out. Tomorrow on set, you can yell at me and tell me you’re done with me for everyone to hear.”
“What exactly am I agreeing to? Telling Ben we’re together? The crew? Coming out publicly?”
The public thing could be a problem considering my recent questioning status when it comes to my sexuality, but I’m technically already out, thanks to those photos. If I were to deny them and go back on what’s already out there, I’d feel more deceptive than if I just let the cards fall where they may. It’s not like Jordan and I haven’t been … intimate. If we want to call jerking off together intimate. It sure as fuck isn’t innocent, though, either.
“I … I don’t know,” Jordan admits.
“I’m happy to tell Ben and the crew whatever. Short of doing publicity tours where they ask about our sex lives, that’s probably where I’d draw the line.”
“I could kiss you.”
“Well, I am your boyfriend, it seems.” And I’m definitely not going to say no to tasting Jordan’s mouth again.
He steps toward me. I lick my lips. But as he moves in, he turns his head and kisses my cheek instead. “Thank you for doing this.”
“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—you deserve better, Jordan.”
“Thanks.” He looks down as he says it, like he doesn’t actually believe me. He steps back. “I’m going to go home and unpack and get ready for being back on set tomorrow.”
Is it weird I don’t want him to leave? This isn’t even my house, but I want to ask him to stay.
When we parted at the airport today after spending two weeks together, I should’ve been grateful for some space. But unlike when Harley, Ryder, and Lyric drove away and I waved them off, I didn’t want to see Jordan get in that other car.
I can’t put that on him, though. So instead of asking him to stay, I smile and tell him, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I stand by my decision to help Jordan even when we get to set and every pair of eyes are on our intertwined fingers as we hold hands. Jordan told me to cancel my driver and that he will drive me all over LA today, mumbling something about looking so sickeningly in love we don’t want to leave each other’s sides.