Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 80651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“Holy shit. How typical. And now he’s in Africa.”
If only.
“Turns out he’s not in Africa.” I said. “He’s my boss.”
Parker’s jaw hit the floor repeatedly as I told her the entire story. About Jacob filling in for Beau, about the incredible sex and the almost-stroke I had when it turned out we worked at the same hospital.
“So it’s not just you who thinks it’s a bad idea to continue things between you?” Parker asked as I caught her up to speed on the last three weeks.
“No, thank goodness. We’re both agreed that it absolutely can’t happen.”
“But if no one was to know?”
“Hospitals are gossip machines. And despite being made up of eight million people, London is a small place. Someone is bound to find out and neither of us is willing to take that risk. Except . . . it’s difficult. He’s—God, Parker, he’s so sexy.” Sexy was an easy label to attach to Jacob, but it was like saying Nadal was okay at tennis.
“I don’t think it would be so bad if I didn’t know he was such a great guy and . . . he . . . I mean . . . He knows what he’s doing in bed.” I was downplaying it. Jacob didn’t just know what he was doing—he was the best sex I’d ever had. Dominant without being overbearing. Attentive without being weak. Dirty without being vulgar. I never thought sex could be quite so . . . connecting. An intimacy had developed between us in just a few short hours that shouldn’t have felt possible if we’d been together years. It was equal parts exciting and terrifying.
“But this could be the love of your life,” Parker said. “Another Jacob might not come around again.”
I put my hands over my face. I couldn’t think like that. I wasn’t the girl who met the love of her life. Things didn’t work out like that for people like me. I wasn’t the only one who thought Jacob and I were a bad idea. Jacob agreed. He had his reasons too. It wasn’t like if I changed my mind, I could run into his open arms. His arms were firmly crossed over his chest.
“It’s not going to work out. I’ve just got to find a way of working alongside him without turning weak at the knees when he asks me a question or gives me a well done.” I sat up and grabbed the bottle of champagne. “Let’s have a drink and forget about it.”
Parker held the champagne glasses and I poured. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched people in pedalos and rowing boats on the Serpentine, splashing and laughing and knocking into each other. Did Jacob ever come down here and lie in the boats to de-stress? Maybe I should suggest it to him.
Maybe not.
“I don’t think we should forget about it,” Parker said. “I know you want to be focused on work for the next couple of years, but there’s never going to be a period of time when you go, ‘Okay, the next ten years are looking rather empty, I’m off to find the love of my life.’ It just doesn’t work like that.”
“I know, but medicine is important to me. I’ve worked hard to get here and I don’t want to mess it up over a guy.”
“There’s always an excuse. Sometimes you have to close your eyes and jump and trust that you’ll land somewhere soft.”
I loved Parker—like in the way sisters love each other in films. She was the only person in my life I trusted. The only one who hadn’t let me down. But her advice made no sense. I didn’t need to jump with my eyes closed to know I wasn’t landing anywhere soft. Every time I so much as took a step, I hit hard concrete. That’s how life had always been, and I’d long accepted it.
I knew the next few years would be tough. Anything that looked like an easy way out or a soft landing set alarms sounding in my head.
Jacob was the stuff of sirens blaring. I needed to keep away from him.
Fifteen
Jacob
Things were finally slotting into place for me. I just had to catch the head of pediatrics, Gerry, and get his sign-off before I started putting details of the offsite together.
I knocked on Gerry’s door and squeezed into his windowless office.
“Jacob, have a seat, young man.” Looking at Gerry, no one would ever think he was one of the most accomplished doctors in the hospital. His combined clinical and research experience alongside his connections in medicine made him one of those people that everyone in the hospital turned to for advice, no matter the specialty. If he didn’t know—he knew someone who did.
“Thanks.” I sat opposite him as he continued to scribble on various bits of paper in front of me. At least one of them would be for me. Gerry was constantly looking at ways in which we could all be working better. He looked, he listened, he commented, and things changed. He wasn’t showy about it. He just quietly and constantly encouraged small changes that added up to big changes.