Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 128801 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 644(@200wpm)___ 515(@250wpm)___ 429(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128801 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 644(@200wpm)___ 515(@250wpm)___ 429(@300wpm)
Mounds of Joy spilled out onto the ground.
Guilt struck her hard in the middle of it.
She had to be the most horrible, selfish human with her heart clattering. Fumbling in a jolt of jealousy with the way Ryder looked absolutely broken.
As if he’d lost a piece of himself.
All she could do was silently pray that the expression on his face didn’t mean what she thought it might.
Through the disorder, she murmured, “Oh my God, Ryder. I’m so sorry. What happened?”
Because she was. It didn’t matter that her spirit squeezed, it was terrible news.
Ryder stumbled back as if he couldn’t stand, and she followed him, taking a single step into the tiny foyer of the house.
“I…” The word clotted off, and he kept blinking as he sagged against the wall, and she was sure he was in shock.
She wanted to erase his pain. Take it away. Give him everything he’d given to her. So she pushed farther into his space, and she set her hand on his wet cheek.
“I don’t know what’s happening right now, but I need you to know that I’m here. You’re not alone. I’m right here.”
“Dakota.” He rumbled her name.
So deep.
He pressed his cheek deeper into her hand.
Like touching her gave him the barest flash of relief in a barren cold.
“Dakota.”
He needed her.
She knew it.
And she couldn’t stop the confession that rushed. “I’m right here, Ryder. I’m right here. I’m right here because I love you. Because I’m in love with you. God, Ryder, I love you so much. I don’t know what’s happening, but what I do know is that I love you. That I’m here for you.”
Dakota felt a surge of relief in finally admitting it.
Laying her heart at his feet. Asking him to hold it in his hands.
She felt terrified. This love she’d held for so long no longer her dirty secret.
That she was offering it at such an awful time.
But she had to believe that he felt it, too.
She had to believe in this.
Had to believe in them.
It couldn’t be possible for it to be one-sided. Not when it was so beautiful and strong.
Ryder emitted a groan.
Guttural.
Languished in its affliction.
He took her hand that was on his cheek, and he held it between both of his. He brought her knuckles to his lips, his voice so strained that she struggled to understand what he said. “I love you, Dakota. So fucking much.”
He looked away, to the wall, away from her face. “But not like that.”
The last of his admission cracked, so jagged it cut into her soul. Her knees went weak as his rejection cut her in two.
She couldn’t stand beneath his pity. The way he hadn’t even been able to look her in the eye when he said it.
But not like that.
She choked and tried to suppress a sob.
To hold her heartbreak back. It busted out, anyway, a cry of misery that she couldn’t contain. She squeezed her eyes closed and tried to reel it in.
To stand as his friend.
Because what kind of monster was she if she made this about her?
But she couldn’t help but feel a part of it was.
It was about her.
About him.
About them.
Who they were supposed to be together.
“Please don’t cry, Dakota.” Every sharp angle of Ryder’s face pinched in misery as he whispered the words against her knuckles. “Don’t cry. I’m not worth it. You’re so much better than giving that love to me. You deserve the world. Everything in it. Everything it has to offer. I want you to chase it. Every good thing. Please.”
She wanted to curl her fingers into his shirt.
Tell him he was wrong.
That what she wanted was him.
Beg him to love her back.
But he didn’t.
He didn’t love her.
Not like that.
Dizziness spun as her chest cracked wide open.
Stricken.
Grieved.
Oh, God, Dakota thought she was going to puke. Because she’d just confessed it all and the man she loved was devastated by the loss of someone else.
Amelia.
How hadn’t she known?
Why didn’t she see it?
She was a fool. Such a fool.
“I…I’m sorry for your loss.” She forced it out, the words riding out on a shattered sob.
Before she could make it any worse, she turned and ran down his walkway.
She needed to get away before she completely broke apart.
By the time she got into her car, she couldn’t breathe, and her chest was squeezing so badly that the little air she could get wheezed up her raw throat.
She started it, her tires squealing as she sped from the curb.
Tears blurred her sight as she drove.
She had to get away.
She choked out an aggrieved sob when she realized she really had nowhere to go.
No one to rely on.
No one who would understand.
Paisley had moved a month ago, and Ryder had been the one person she could always go to. The one who would hold her secrets.
Her truths and her fears.