Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 90852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
But I really hoped KC was listening. I really hoped this could lead to them reconnecting one way or another.
“He’s a smart young man,” Lucian murmured.
I nodded and glanced up at him.
He side-eyed me with a faint smile. A slightly careful one. “You love him very much.”
Oh. I’d thought the traces of discomfort were due to our situation, the one between Lucian and me, and perhaps he didn’t know how to act. But it was related to Noa. Or maybe it was all connected. Fuck, it was a mess—all of it. The air needed to be cleared.
“I do,” I replied quietly. “And I’m sorry I haven’t been—” Shit. I stopped talking as I heard KC speak up—at long last.
“The list of apologies I owe you keeps getting longer.” KC cleared his throat, and it was evident he was struggling with his emotions. “But I don’t know how to reconcile the shame I’ve felt these past three years. I’ve turned our entire relationship inside out to analyze every memory—to see if and where I crossed a line. Then when you needed me the most and acted out of desperation, I turned my back on you and walked away.” He coughed and cleared his throat once more. It bugged me that I couldn’t see him through the two inches I kept the door open. “I can’t apologize for how I left—I hit rock bottom, and fleeing was my only option—but I’m sorrier than I can express for not coming back. I’m sorry I never gave you the explanation you deserved. Ever since my folks died, I’ve been a mess. And you know it’s not grief.”
Maybe Noa nodded or something. He didn’t say anything verbally.
Until he asked, “What act of desperation? You said I acted out of desperation when I needed you the most.”
“Uh, when, uh…when you kissed me. When we kissed.”
My boy let out a laugh. “You fool, that wasn’t desperation. Or… Well. I mean, two things can be true at once. I was desperate to keep you in my life, but I was also pretty much in love with you. That’s why I kissed you. I wanted you to see that we could be…you know, more.”
I felt my mouth twist into a sly smile, and I scratched my ear.
“Oh.” KC was stumped.
I tilted my head, wanting to get a read on Lucian’s expression, and he was smirking a little and pinching his lips.
“My God, I thought the clusterfuck I created back then was big as it was.” KC’s heavy sigh told me everything I needed to know. His head was fucked with all this new information. “You have to understand that my life was very carefully structured before I met your mother. I didn’t dare act outside of my routines and predictable behavior for fear I’d raise suspicion with my parents. I never even brought home my best friend to meet them because he’s gay.”
Lucian.
“When they died, everything unraveled,” KC continued. “You were right back then. I couldn’t keep track of my own lies anymore. I couldn’t pretend to be someone else for the sake of ghosts.”
“You barely reacted when I came out,” Noa noted. “I saw your parents a few times.”
“And behind your back—behind your mother’s back—they suggested conversion therapy for you.”
Holy fuck. I dropped my hands and balled them into fists as sheer rage bolted through me.
“I loathed them but was too weak to stand up for myself,” KC said grimly. “I did, however, find the balls to make sure they didn’t see you again after that. It was the first time they saw me angry—hell, livid.”
“What scumbags,” Noa whispered, seemingly to himself.
Fucking hell! Both Lucian and I shot glares to the loud morons who ran by behind us, darting from the club area toward the kitchen. Couldn’t they show some fucking respect? We were trying to eavesdrop here.
“Idiots,” Lucian muttered.
Amen.
Now we’d missed something.
“…you were in that accident.”
“Indeed.” KC hummed. “Lucian told me you stopped by at the hospital.”
“I couldn’t not. But I made sure to leave before you woke up. I knew you didn’t wanna see me.”
“Noa—fuck, it was never about that.” Frustration seeped through in KC’s voice. “You were the light of my life. I always wanted to see you. Not a day has gone by when I haven’t missed you.”
“But it’s complicated, right?” Noa pressed. “This is something you’re gonna drag out till we both die miserable.”
Lucian chuckled softly beside me.
“I-I don’t—what is it you—Christ.” KC was clearly flustered. “I don’t know what it is you want, Noa.”
“You can’t fucking guess? Seriously?”
“Easy.” KC’s low warning was enough to make me stand straighter. Noa was forgetting that KC had, at least to some degree, built a new life. He was a new person. He had rules and stuff. He’d found his confidence somewhere, considering I’d never met the man Noa had spoken of. To me, KC had always been composed, nice, patient, but firm. He lifted a brow of warning like any other Dom here. He had limits.