Dear Ava Read online Ilsa Madden-Mills

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Angst, New Adult, Romance, Sports, Young Adult Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 103104 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
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I’m tired, so tired, my body weak as I come down from the adrenaline rush I got when I walked into the station.

And I just…

Need to think.

He swallows thickly. “Tulip—”

“Go back inside, please,” I manage to push out. “Dane needs you.” I know my mind is scattered, but one thing I’m sure of is that his family is his first commitment, not me, and I don’t blame him. He and I have obstacles in front of us. His walls, mine, Dane’s connection to what happened.

But…

I love you.

I lock down those words he said to me, shutting them inside that chest and wrapping a heavy chain around it.

“Don’t leave. Not like this,” he whispers, as if reading my thoughts. “Don’t walk away. Things will work out. Don’t, please. You belong with me, you do—”

I sigh. “Please, just…leave me be.”

I pull back and walk away from him.

23

I’m sitting at the stone picnic tables outside the dorm that afternoon when a sleek gray Porsche parks in the lot and a guy gets out. I watch as he scans the entrance and heads toward the door, then he slides his gaze over to me and stops. He sticks his hands in his jeans, walks over, and sits down next to me.

This is the closest we’ve been since I came back and Chance still smells the same, a hint of leather and male spice. It brings back memories.

We don’t speak for a few minutes, each of us not looking at the other, just watching some guys tossing a Frisbee on the commons.

A long sigh comes from him. “I fucked up my apology in History of Film when I said you hurt me. I really suck.”

“You do,” I say, still not looking at him. I flick my eyes back at the parking lot. “Your dad gave your car back?” I shrug as he starts, not expecting me to know. “Piper told me he grounded you from it.” I whistle. “That’s a long time to not have that sweet ride.”

In my peripheral, I see his nod. “He’s been pissed with me for months. I deserved it.” He pauses, his fingers rubbing at a crevice on the stone table. “Knox said he saw you today at the police station. He said he told you I know everything now.”

I sigh, not wanting to go there. “I got your flowers.”

He huffs. “Did you toss them?”

“Not yet.”

He smiles. “You should. I was at the market for my mom, and as soon as I saw them, I thought of you. We had some good times, didn’t we?”

I think about those sweet notes in my locker, the hugs and kisses after games. “Yes.”

“I still love you, you know. Can’t get you out of my head.”

“You will.”

“Maybe.” Then, “Why did you come back, Ava? Knox said it was for Tyler, and I hate that I never met him. Shit, I did so many things wrong.”

Why did I come back to this fucking place…why did I come back?

I look up and move my gaze over the campus, lingering on the main building with its ivy-covered turrets in the distance. I hate this place, hate it so much it makes me queasy every morning when I walk through those doors, when I see the faces of those people who didn’t believe me, who called me snitch and slut and—

Clarity tiptoes in, softly and quietly, and my bent spine straightens. I’ve been telling myself I was sacrificing myself for Tyler, to get him into a good school, and while part of that is very, very true, I just as well could have gone to Morganville and taken my chances. Even though their services aren’t as good, it would have been better than his inner-city school. No, the truth is, I haven’t wanted to look too hard at that gnawing, ugly, other reason I’ve pushed myself to walk into this place for the past few weeks.

I exhale. “I came back for vengeance, to show all of you that nothing in this goddamn world will ever hold me back from finding out who hurt me. I’m Ava Tulip Harris and no one hurts me, but this place, this place, I had to come back and show you all that I’m worth more than what someone did to me in the woods.” I close my eyes. “And now I know who he is.”

“They’ll get him, or Knox and I will,” he murmurs, taking my hand and lacing our fingers together. “What will you do now?”

I look at him then, studying that handsome face, his piercing blue eyes. “I hate everything about this place. It makes me sick to walk in those doors everyday—even with Knox next to me.” It’s not an answer, but he nods.

“Do you hate me? Even Knox?”

My throat pricks with emotion. Never Knox.

I wish, I wish he’d told me, but I get it, even as leftover anger still bubbles.


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