Total pages in book: 164
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
She turns the volume down on the TV, where commentators sum up the first half of the game, before crouching to pick up a few toys. “Well? What did you want to say?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“About all of this. Your kid. Your life.”
She stops to look up at me, sitting back on her heels. “What did you expect? What, did you think you would find me waiting here for you? Life went on. And you never asked,” she adds, frowning.
“You’re right. I didn’t. I… Assumed too much.”
“Yeah, no kidding.”
“Are you happy?”
Her face goes slack for a second like she didn’t expect the question – and she smiles. “Yeah. I am. I mean, I don’t love working at the store, but it puts food on the table for my little girl. Jeff’s a great dad. And he’s good to me. That’s more than a lot of people can say. So yeah, I am, even if I never really thought about it.”
“I’m really glad. You deserve that.”
She bites her lip, tucking a piece of dark hair behind her ear before standing. “Why did you really come here?”
Here goes nothing. I need to get it all out at once. “I’m sorry for how things went when you came to the house. I was wrong to act as I did. You didn’t deserve that. I’m… sorry.” Fuck me, those words are not easy for me to say. I haven’t had much practice. “I’m sorry for everything.”
She reaches out and grabs my hand, squeezing hard before letting go. “I know.”
“I just needed to say it and know you know I mean it. I went down and talked to the guys, too.”
“Good.” When she smiles, God, it’s like ten years melt away. It’s easy to remember how I fell for her as hard as I did. She was the one good thing in my life. Sometimes, the only thing that kept me hanging on.
“I better go.” I peer deeper into the house, toward the kitchen where Jeff disappeared. “I don’t want to start trouble by hanging around.”
“You know, you can come back anytime. It would be nice to hang out.”
“Yeah, that would be nice.”
I won’t. I can’t. I think she knows it – there’s a little bit of sadness in her voice. We can’t go back and reclaim yesterday. I wouldn’t want to, even if I could.
“Will you do me a favor?” she asks, touching my shoulder to stop me before I step outside.
“If I can.”
“Take care of yourself,” she whispers. “Be good to yourself. Let other people be good to you. Can you do that for me?”
“I don’t know. You’re asking a lot.”
She doesn’t chuckle with me. “I mean it. Whatever you did and have done since then, you need to let it go. You have to move on. Remember, I know you – ten years doesn’t change who a person is inside. I know you carry things around. I know you punish yourself. You don’t deserve it. Let it go. Start fresh. Really, that’s all I want for you. Can you do that for me?”
“You’re asking a lot. No joke this time.”
“Yeah, that’s the thing about caring about somebody. You sort of want the best for them.” Her arms shoot out and wrap around me, and all I can do is hug her back. It’s awkward, but it’s not bad. “Be happy. Whatever it is you decide to do, try to be happy. Okay?”
Happy. When I think about happiness, a few things come to mind.
No big surprise, one person is at the center of them. Tatum and her sweet-smelling curls. Lying in my arms, snoring softly so I always knew when she was asleep. Smelling her hair, feeling her breath against my skin. Her warm, limp body. I knew she trusted me. That way she could make me laugh over the stupidest things. How proud she made me when she forced herself through the darkness and found herself again.
Even sitting down to dinner together. Looking forward to it throughout the day. I was happy and I didn’t even know it.
And she’s gone, and I know it’s for the best that she’s gone, but I’m also a selfish son of a bitch who always wants a thing he shouldn’t have.
And I shouldn’t have her.
Dammit, nothing else will do.
Instead of walking straight home, I wander the streets, too deep in thought to care about the cold.
CHAPTER 32
TATUM
“I’m so glad to have you home, I can’t bring myself to shoo you out of the kitchen.” Sheryl pats my shoulder on her way past me, then peeks into the oven. “The turkey looks great so far.” Granted, she only put it in the oven twenty minutes ago, but I’ll take her word for it.
“I’m so glad you got an extra big one this year.” Beside me, Bianca peels potatoes the way I am. “I’m ravenous.”