Total pages in book: 164
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
It’s Monday night, meaning it’ll be time for football later. It’s still a little too early, but that hasn’t stopped the locals from staking out their spots in the booths lining the wall opposite the bar, where a flat-screen TV is mounted close to the ceiling. That’s changed, anyway.
“Yo! I must’ve drank a lot more than I thought if I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing.”
Right away, I find the source of the outburst. Dex makes a big deal of rubbing his eyes like he can’t believe them, while Austin only gapes with his mouth hanging open. I knew they’d be here, didn’t I? Somewhere inside, I knew I’d find them.
“Since when do you slum it with us?” There’s an edge to the question that cuts through the smile Dex wears.
I won’t pretend I don’t hear it. “I’m not slumming, man. Don’t do that. Shit’s been… Shit.”
“I think that’s his way of apologizing for blowing us off the whole time he’s been back,” Austin tells him, smirking at me.
“Buy you two a beer?” They might be pissed at me, but they won’t refuse. I hold up three fingers to the bartender and take a seat at one of the few remaining stools, unzipping my jacket before settling back.
“How’s your girl?”
“Not my girl, and I don’t know. She went home. The shit she was dealing with worked itself out.” When I look their way, I catch them exchanging a knowing smirk. “What? What’s that mean?”
“I should’ve put money down on how long it would take you to fuck it up.” Dex shakes his head with an exaggerated sigh. “You don’t have a great track record with women.”
“That’s not how it was. And Tatum wasn’t my girl in the first place.”
“So that’s why you almost ripped my head off over her?” Austin’s smile hardens into something closer to a challenge. “Because she wasn’t your girl in the first place?”
Dammit, I forgot about that. Watching him try to kiss her by the fire. The rage damn near consumed me. “She’s not here now, so I can tell you: I was sort of her bodyguard. That’s the truth. That’s why she was here. Some bad shit went down, and she needed to get away. I guess I took my work a little too seriously.“
He quirks an eyebrow. “Sure. If that’s your story.”
“It’s the truth.”
Dax accepts his fresh beer, taking a long pull from the bottle before smacking his lips. “Don’t tell me you haven’t forgotten the line between work and play.”
“And how would that be any of your business?”
All it takes is a glance at each other before they burst out laughing. It’s a habit, the bitterness that blooms in my chest. Nobody likes being laughed at, and especially not me. “Hey, man,” Austin urges when he sees my expression for what it is. “We’re just busting your balls. For real, dude. Have you been in solitary for ten years?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You lost your sense of humor. You used to be fun. You used to be funny.”
Did I? “I can’t remember,” I admit.
“You need to lighten up. You need to, like, have a little fun.”
“He’s right,” Dex agrees. “You always look ready to punch somebody’s face in, and for what?”
I do? When I catch a glimpse of myself reflected in the mirror behind the bar, it’s like I’m looking at a stranger at first.
No. It’s like I’m looking at my father. I have to put down the bottle or risk dropping it on the floor. There’s a hard, cold look in my eyes. My jaw’s set like I’m ready for a fight. The way his always was.
Motherfucker. When did that happen?
“So now that your girl is gone, what will you do?”
Shit, I don’t know what to do with the reflection staring back at me, much less what to do tomorrow. I have to shake myself out of it. I am not my old man. I will never be him. But I wonder if refusing to drink all these years so I wouldn’t lose control — and so I wouldn’t be like him — is enough.
I twist my face away from the mirror and look at both of them. Even now, sitting here and sharing a beer, there’s a wall between us. The same wall that’s been between me and everybody in my life for as long as I can remember.
And I don’t want it. The laughter coming from other people around us reminds me of what I’ve missed. Until now, I didn’t realize how much I had changed. I don't remember how I used to be. I’ll never be him again… Though I don’t have to forget him, either. I don’t have to forget the parts of life that were good. Like these guys.
“Listen. I want you to know… I had reasons for staying away, and I’m sorry that it seemed like I was ditching or ignoring you. It wasn’t what I meant to do.”