Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 117336 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117336 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
"Control?!" Is he serious? "You're not controlling anything, Azar. You're enslaving people! You're destroying them just because it's easier for you than having to take command on your own."
"I'm keeping you safe," he snarls.
"Do not put this on me," I warn him. "I would have never, ever suggested that you fucking enslave someone. I would never have supported you if I knew that was what you were doing. I asked you and you lied to me. You said you were helping them."
"Are they in pain?" he counters. "Are they lost to the madness? In a sense, I am helping—"
"No," I say flatly, raising a hand. "Do not justify this. It's wrong and you know it is. If you didn't think it was wrong, you wouldn't have hidden it from me."
He snaps his mouth shut, with no answer for that. He knows I'm right. "I didn't tell you," Azar says in a low voice, "because I didn't want to lose you. You're the only good thing in this world."
"You have to decide if you're going to be a Salorian or my husband," I tell him. "You can't be both."
It's the wrong thing to say. Immediately, his face brightens. "There is still a chance for me, then? You would stay at my side if I let them go?"
"I didn't say that." When Azar gives me another hurt look, I continue. "You do not understand just how deeply you betrayed me. I'm not sure you'll ever understand." I shake my head. "So right now, no, you're not my husband. In public, I'll be your loving, supportive wife. I'll agree with everything you want to do and we'll be a united front—provided you free those enslaved drakoni. But as for you and me in private?" I swallow hard, and the knot in my throat feels enormous. "I can't be with someone I don't trust. Someone I don't respect."
Azar gives me a wounded look. "Then how do I win you back into my arms?"
That's a great question, and I'm not sure I have answers. Not yet, not while this is so fresh and painful. I might never be able to forgive him, if I'm being honest with myself. This isn't something I can bat away as “we've all done horrible things in the past.” This is Azar continuing to do horrible things. This is Azar not caring about other people's lives as long as his is safe and secure. How do you force someone to care about other people? How do you make them have compassion?
Or is he right and I've been imagining him to be a different sort of person all this time, just because it was easier for me?
"Show me action," I tell him softly. "Prove to me that you're better than this. Maybe then, we'll talk."
And I turn and leave the room.
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
AZAR
Melina leaves me that night. She doesn't come out and say it directly, but she tells the staff that the clinic needs her and she'll be staying there overnight. She packs up a bag and heads there, and I know she won't come back tonight.
I don't know if she'll ever come back.
My chest feels hollow and raw. Numb. I still have to figure out what to do with the human and her demand that I free my captive drakoni. Melina has made it clear she sides with the human female, so I must free them, of course. I just need to figure out how to present it. How to manage to push the drakoni away from the city while they're in their bloodlust without them hurting any of my people. It will require a delicate hand…and to have it happen when no one else is around and paying attention, perhaps.
I sigh, gazing out the window again at the ugly, pulsing Rift.
Something dark slithers through my thoughts. It speaks that wordless language, the stream of gibberish I can't comprehend, the sounds that make me feel as if I'm going mad when they croon through my mind. The voice is stronger every day, the pull of it more powerful every time it reaches out. One day I'm not going to be able to brush it off any longer. I won't be able to resist its lure of death.
Because I know if I give in to it, it'll destroy me. It'll chew my mind up and spit it out, and use me to push its way through to this side of the Rift. I can't let that happen, so I have to be strong.
We are here, Sallavatri says. We can be strong with you. The child's mind rings out like a bell, clear and true.
Do you feel it? I ask. Does it hound you like it does me?
It avoids us, Sallavatri says. Her thoughts grow clearer by the moment.
Good. Don't let it touch you. I scrub a hand down my face. Am I kidding myself thinking that we can make a difference? That we can somehow seal the Rift? The thing in there feels so damned strong. So overwhelming. I can't do it alone. I'm not even sure I can do it at all. I might just be delaying the inevitable.