Total pages in book: 195
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
“No bras?”
“You don’t need a bra.” She waves off the suggestion as if it’s crazy. “You have perfect, perky ladies. You should show them off while you still can.”
“Umm—”
“Honey, just trust me on this one.”
“Why did you do all this?” I ask.
“What, shopping?” She shrugs. “It’s not a chore for me. I’d have a gold medal if it were a professional sport.”
“But I mean, why are you doing me any favors? Especially after you tricked us on the highway to get me here.”
“Look, I don’t know you.” Birdie yanks off a few price tags and tosses them into the trash. “But I know Kodiak. He’s been through hell, and if you intentionally did him dirty like that, the consequences are on you.”
Her words sting, and I’m not sure why. Maybe I do deserve bad things. But the truth is, I may never know. What I do know is I’m not their mystery girl, and this situation is feeling more hopeless by the second.
Birdie’s soft voice interrupts those thoughts when she leans down in front of me, noting the anguish on my face.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to—”
“I’m not her,” I blurt out. “I don’t know how many ways I can say it.”
She glances at me like she isn’t sure what to think. “Look, if you just tell us the truth about who you say you are, maybe we can try to figure all this out.”
“I can’t.” I jam my fingers into my temples in frustration, wishing I could explain this in a way they’d understand.
“What do you mean you can’t?” she asks carefully.
My eyes drift to the floor, and I think I’ve already said too much. But something about her presence right now makes me want to believe she doesn’t have to be an enemy. She genuinely seems like she wants to help me.
“I can’t tell you the truth.” I force the words from my lips. “Because I don’t even know it myself.”
Chapter 20
Madden
—PAST—
“I didn’t know if you would come.” Bianca offers me a sad smile when she notices me approaching.
“I didn’t know if I would,” I admit.
I stop a few feet away from her, and she gestures to the blanket she’s laid out. “Will you sit with me?”
I consider her request, but a part of me still thinks I shouldn’t. It’s the part of me that already packed my bags and is determined to get the hell out of here and leave her behind. That’s always been my M.O.—burn them before they can burn you.
But even the asshole in me knows none of this is Bianca’s fault. She never led me astray. She never pretended this was anything other than what it was. She’s in an impossible situation, and even if I don’t like her choice, I can’t change it.
“I guess I’m not really ‘friend’ material,” I tell her as I take a seat beside her, keeping enough distance so I’m not tempted to touch her. “I know you asked me not to be like everyone else in your life and put my expectations on you. But I can’t be your friend, Bianca, because I want you for myself, and nothing will change that.”
A silent tear slides down her cheek as she reaches over and settles her hand on top of mine. “Madden, you’re way more than a friend to me, and you know it. I was lying to myself when I said that. If I had a choice, you know what it would be.”
“I sense a but coming.” I stare down at the water, wondering how the hell we got here. How did I go from hating everyone to wanting the one girl I can’t have?
“You’ve been here for a long time,” she says softly.
“I have an irreversible condition,” I tell her. “I’m perpetually disenchanted with the human experience.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” she argues. “You could actually do the work. Turn things around. Make a better life for yourself.”
I grunt at the idea, but Bianca isn’t pulling any punches tonight.
“I think the only reason you’re not is because it’s easier to let everyone be right about you. That way, you can keep them at a distance and protect yourself. But you deserve so much more than that. I want you to have more than that.”
“It’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?” I glance over at her. “I could say the same thing about your choices. Do you really think that’s the path to happiness?”
She dips her head, emotion choking the light from her eyes. “Fair point.”
Silence and tension linger between us, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m not good at this shit. I never have been.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” she says finally. “I just want things to be the way they were.”
“As long as mommy and daddy don’t know, right?”
She looks hurt, and I know I’m a fucking asshole, but there’s still salt in the wound, and this is what I do. I lash out. And I guess if there’s an expiration date on whatever the fuck this is between us, she may as well see the worst of me.