Total pages in book: 195
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Whether I kissed her, or she kissed me, or whatever the fuck happened, it doesn’t matter. It isn’t her fault, and I take the blame for that, but I can’t tell her so because if I give voice to my thoughts, I’ll tell her how much I just don’t care. She could have six boyfriends, and it still wouldn’t stop me from stealing her for myself.
“Sit down, please?” she begs. “Five minutes. That’s all I’m asking. You don’t even have to talk. Just listen.”
I know what I should do, but I also suspect there isn’t a thing this girl could ask me that I wouldn’t do. Not when she’s on the verge of crying, anyway. So I sit my ass back down and stare at her silently. Bianca’s hand retreats from mine, and she clears her throat, gathering the courage to speak.
“I can just imagine what you must think,” she begins. “Things are complicated, and I want to try to explain. I have a boyfriend, but he doesn’t know where I am. He thinks I’m on an extended trip with my church group, and he’s free to do what he wants with whoever, so technically, we didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t want you to think of it that way because that kiss—” Her voice fractures, and she peeks up at me from beneath her long lashes. “That kiss was everything.”
Something inside my chest pinches, and for a minute, I think maybe it doesn’t matter. I could reach over, grab her ponytail, and kiss her all over again while I tell her to forget her loser boyfriend. But then she continues, shattering that thought before it can fully develop.
“I’ve just never done anything like this before,” she says quietly. “I felt like I was doing something bad, even though it’s what I wanted. My boyfriend isn’t the kind of guy to sit around waiting for a girl, but the thing is, the same standard never really applies to me.”
“What does that mean?” I grit out.
“I never told you why I was here,” she murmurs. “But what you said about me putting on a show… I guess it’s true. For the past ten years, I’ve been playing a role, trying to be the perfect daughter. The perfect student. Determined to win at everything I do, no matter the cost. It’s what’s expected of me, and I’ve tried so hard to maintain that illusion. But over time, the pressure kept building up, and eventually, it boiled over. I had a breakdown, and my parents didn’t know what to do with me, so they shuttled me away from the prying eyes of everyone around us. They made up the story about the church group, insisting I just needed to refocus. Then everything would be okay. But I know it’s not. Because it won’t change, even when I go back.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, and I genuinely mean it. “That’s fucked up. You shouldn’t have to do that, Bianca.”
“My parents have worked hard their entire lives,” she explains. “But they struggled financially for a long time. Things were difficult, and they fought so much when I was younger that I wasn’t sure they’d even stay together. But they persevered and eventually built a successful commercial landscaping company. It changed everything. We went from having next to nothing to living a lifestyle they’d only ever dreamed of. It gave me opportunities they never had, but those opportunities came with expectations, too. I never wanted to seem ungrateful because I know how much they sacrificed to get to where they are. But our lives became so wrapped up in the presentation it felt like I couldn’t be myself anymore. It wasn’t enough to have money. They had to keep up with their friends. They had to have the best of everything, and that included me. Suddenly, one extracurricular activity wasn’t enough. I needed to have ten. But I also needed to maintain my grades. Fit in with the right crowd. There was so much pressure I felt like I was going to explode. Then… things began to fall apart.”
“Fall apart, how?” I prompt her when she glances down to hide her tears.
“Everything was going great for my parents until it wasn’t. They had a stronghold on the local market, but other companies creeped in over the years. They undercut the standard rates for the work, and my parents started losing contracts. They lost a lot of contracts, actually, and the business was on a steady decline. Even when they lowered their rates, they couldn’t keep up. The stress was wearing on them, and to make things worse, my dad was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. The only treatment option available to him was experimental, and their insurance wouldn’t cover it, so they had to pay for it themselves. It’s been keeping him alive and stable, but it’s nearly bankrupted them. My mom is terrified of losing him, and I am too.”