Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 129571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 648(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 432(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 648(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 432(@300wpm)
I forced them to grow up.
Sophia. Warm, soft, and smelling good.
Once I started spending money, she warmed to me. Made those freezing nights warm. Gave me new images to dream about, when I did my best to shut out all those torturous cries.
Sophia.
She told me she was pregnant.
I wrapped my hands around her neck and squeezed it hard. She didn’t even struggle. Just stared at me like she’d expected the whole thing. Dead eyes. The kind bad girls got from bad men. They burned through me and proclaimed that I was nothing more than her slave.
I let her live and released her neck. “I don’t need this shit right now.”
She fell back onto the bed and gasped over and over. Finally, tears spilled from her eyes. It was the only time I ever saw her cry. She would never do that again in front of me.
“I didn’t do this by myself.” She rubbed her neck and panted, her chest rising and falling fast. “I knew you didn’t love me! I tell you I’m pregnant and you try to kill me.”
“I do love you. I just can’t have any more kids. You know she’s pregnant.”
“Oh, say her name! Just fucking say your wife’s name!”
“Hey.” I raised my hand in front of her. “Keep it down. The hotel might call security.”
“Let them. Your ass needs to go to jail for putting your hands on me.”
“I lost myself.”
“Fuck you, you bitch ass motherfucker. Always talking about how you have morals and those rich guys don’t. Next moment you got your goddamned hands on me.” More tears fell, and my heart cracked inside.
That didn’t happen much.
I wasn’t sure if it was a normal thing or not. I mean, I watched people get upset when others did shit and I thought to myself, who really cares. Sometimes I felt like I was acting. Other times I did feel bad, but that didn’t happen much.
I just had a thing about people fucking with kids.
The shit made me hot mad. So I went with it. Kept myself normal.
“I told your ass that you needed to use protection because if I get pregnant I am not having an abortion. I told you.”
“You said that you were on birth control.”
“I am. That shit isn’t a hundred percent.”
“It’s not goddamned fifty percent either.”
“You know what? Fuck you.” She rose from the bed and started frantically looking around for something. “I’m out of here. I don’t need you anyway. I can take care of myself. You don’t want to be a man and help me with your child, then keep it moving. I’ve done it before and I can do it again myself.”
“Sit down.”
“Putting your hands on me like I’m not anything. I bet you wouldn’t put your hands on that white bitch at the house though. I bet you fucking shine her damned lily white crown and smile up in her face.” She spotted her pocket book and slung it over her shoulders.
Rage blazed in my head. One thing I could never deal with was Sophia leaving. It was hard enough to not be around her all the time. The moments that I could spend time with her were pure joy. The times I had to say good-bye hurt more than an actual gun wound did.
“Don’t leave. Please, Sophia.” I held my hands to my sides. “I’m sorry. Sophy. So sorry, baby. Don’t leave me.”
She turned and faced me, her cheeks wet and gaze sad. “I’ll never trust you again.”
“I’m sorry, Sophia. I’m so sorry.”
“Stay away from me.” She put her back to me, kept one hand in her bag and the other in front of her. I knew she held a gun in that pocket book, and I wasn’t stupid enough to go after her. I’d already pushed it.
“That’s my child inside of you.”
She stopped at the door. A laugh fled her lips. “How do you know it’s your child? All I said was that I’m pregnant.”
“You wouldn’t have let anyone else touch you.”
“You don’t know what I would do, Benny.”
“You only kill for money—”
“And family, but what does that have to do with this?”
“Because, if that wasn’t my child inside of you, then I’d take my time. I would find the man, and I would hurt him. I would find you, and I would hurt you really bad. I would open those legs first though, and I would fuck you hard, so hard, that beautiful baby, that other man’s baby, it would die. And then I would leave you there. You would need to pray that someone could find you.”
Was this the truth?
Was it a fact?
I cannot say.
But the very idea of another man’s hands cupping Sophia’s full breasts and lapping his tongue within her wet folds ... it drove me to madness. I thought about sick things.
Would I have killed the baby? I doubt it, but with these things, they fit in a gray area. I didn’t like hurt kids, but what if that kid hurt me? It made sense to defend myself.