Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 70716 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 354(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 236(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70716 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 354(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 236(@300wpm)
I don’t know how long I sit on that sand, alone in the darkness, but the sound of footsteps has me lifting my head and looking behind me to see Cohen walking toward me. I have no idea how he found me, but I do know I don’t want him to see me like this, so vulnerable, so broken, so pathetic.
“I thought I’d find you here,” he says, stopping in front of me and staring down at me, sitting in the sand, drunk.
“How?” I croak, my voice hoarse.
“You love playgrounds. I remember that much.”
He’s right.
I do love playgrounds.
When I was younger, and far bubblier, I used to think that people were way too serious and that they had forgotten how to have the innocence and fun of a child. I never wanted to lose that, so I would find a playground anytime I could, and I’d swing on the swings and go down the slippery slides. Once you lose the child inside, you lose so much of yourself.
“Come on, let’s get you back to the motel.”
“Don’t be nice to me, Cohen. Don’t be nice to me because you can see how fucking pathetic and broken I am right now. Don’t feel pity for me, I don’t want any of that from you. It’s your fault I’m this way.”
My words come out like acid, spitting and strong. Cohen doesn’t say anything, but he does lean down and reach out for my hand. He scoops it up with his and slowly pulls me to my feet. He doesn’t feed me pity, or kind words, he just brings me to my feet and then we start walking toward his truck.
When we reach it, he opens the door and I climb in.
The drive back to the motel is silent, but silence doesn’t scare me. I find comfort in its depths. I bring my knees up to my chest and curl my arms around them, resting my chin on my knees. My tears are long dried up, but my heart still has that same ache I can’t seem to chase away.
Everything hurts.
Sometimes, I want it all just to go away.
Other times, I relish in it.
Right now, deep down, if I were to admit the truth to myself, I wish someone would take it away for me. Just once. Just this time.
“Briella told me what you said to her tonight.”
Cohen’s voice fills the darkness of the car, and it’s softer than I’ve heard him use since I’ve been back. It’s gravelly, and always deep, but it’s missing that edge he usually uses when he talks to me.
“And?” I whisper, my voice too tired to come out.
“And I didn’t know. I didn’t know that happened to you. I know it doesn’t matter to you now, Aviana, but I never fuckin’ wanted that for you. I thought you would be safe. I thought I was doin’ the right thing.”
Of course he thought that.
Don’t we all think we’re doing right by others, until we find out we weren’t?
“You were my best friend, I trusted you.”
My voice cracks and more tears roll down my cheeks.
I turn my face away.
I don’t want to say anything more.
It won’t help.
It’ll only make things worse.
Cohen doesn’t say anything else either. Instead, he pulls up at the motel and turns off the truck.
I get out of it and don’t look back.
I can’t.
If I do, I’m scared he’ll see just how much I needed him in that moment.
10
NOW – AVIANA
My bed dips and my entire body goes stiff as I feel someone climbing underneath the covers with me. The warmth of another human form presses against me, and then small arms come around me and rest over my stomach. I know who it is the moment I catch her smell—I know because we used to lie like this all the time and talk for hours about boys and dreams.
Briella.
I clench my eyes shut. It’s dark, what time I don’t know.
I don’t even know why she’s here.
My automatic reaction is to kick her off, to scream at her to get out, but I know that reaction isn’t the right one.
I know it, even though that’s what my body is telling me to do.
“I let you down,” she whispers into the darkness. “You were right. I was your best friend and I didn’t come looking for you. I should have known you’d never just disappear. I should have turned the world upside down looking for you, Aviana, and for not doing that, I’ll be forever sorry.”
I can’t stop them.
Those horrible tears.
They burst forth, and I can’t control them.
They soak my face and my pillow.
They make my whole body shake.
Briella just hangs onto me—she just holds the pieces together as I cry. I cry so hard a loud sob fills the silent room.
Merleigh wakes and calls out into the darkness.