Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 94639 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94639 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
“Harp,” Landon says, shaking me out of my thoughts. “Everything okay?” he repeats.
I swallow down the lump in my throat. I need time to think about how to handle this. Of course I’m keeping the baby. I already love him or her. But I need to figure out how to handle Landon and me so we can get through this. And then a thought hits me… What if he doesn’t want this baby? Sure, he loves me and he’s amazing with my kids, but they’re not his. What if he didn’t plan to have any or he feels he’s passed that point in his life… or he isn’t at that point yet. This is exactly why you make sure your birth control is up to date! So shit like this doesn’t happen. We haven’t even had a single conversation about marriage or having kids.
Landon takes a step forward and instinctually I take one back. His brows furrow in hurt and confusion and my heart squeezes in my chest. “Harper, what’s going on?”
“I’m not feeling well,” I say. Not a complete lie. “I know we were supposed to have dinner, but I’m not up for it. I’m sorry.”
He stares at me for a long moment before he nods and then steps forward. Since I’m already against the wall, I have nowhere to go. My stomach is now roiling and I’m fearful I’m going to throw up any second.
Landon closes the distance between us and rubs his thumb along my bottom lip. “Why don’t I run you a warm bath so you can relax in the tub? I can throw the dinner I picked up in the fridge and we can eat it later, if you’re feeling up to it.”
My eyes burn with unshed tears. I want to let him in. Pull him toward me and never let him go. But I can’t be selfish. This time it needs to be different. I can’t put my children—this baby—through another marriage out of obligation.
“I’m sorry, but I really just want to be alone right now,” I tell him. “I’m going to go lie down.” Refusing to make eye contact, I move slightly to the side so we’re not as close. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Without waiting for Landon to say anything, I step into my bedroom and close the door behind me. The second I’m inside, the sob I was holding back bursts through my chest and causes my entire body to tremble. I fall into my bed, and holding my face into the pillow, I allow myself to cry until I finally fall into a fitted sleep.
The next morning, I wake to my phone ringing. When I look and see it’s Bridget, I answer immediately, needing someone to talk to.
“Hey,” she says softly. “You okay?” Her concerned tone confuses me. I haven’t even told her anything’s wrong yet.
“Why would you be asking me that?”
“Landon called this morning and said you weren’t feeling well and asked me to check up on you.”
Oh, my heart. This is exactly what I’m talking about. He’s a good man through and through.
“Are you okay?” she asks again.
“No,” I say through a sob. As I’m preparing to tell her what’s wrong, a wave of nausea hits me and I drop the phone as I run into the bathroom to throw my guts up. Because I fell asleep last night without eating, most of what I throw up is acid and it burns my throat.
When I’m sure I’m done, I quickly brush my teeth then grab my phone. Bridget is, of course, still on the phone. “Hey, sorry about that.”
“I could hear you throwing up,” she says. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yeah,” I admit, my voice cracking.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” she asks, her tone free of judgement.
“It should be…” I take in a deep breath then release it. “But I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of him resenting me, feeling trapped, blindsided, feeling like his choices were taken from him, asking me to marry him to do the right thing.”
“Harper,” she says calmly. “Do you hear yourself? Everything you just said wasn’t about Landon, but about you. How you felt when you got pregnant as a teenager. How you felt about your marriage.”
“I know,” I say. “Because I would never want Landon to feel the way I felt. I spent years stuck in a loveless marriage, wishing for affection and attention. Every time Richard climbed the ladder, I resented him more and more. Every diaper I changed, every baby tear I kissed away, I felt so completely alone.”
“And I get that,” Bridget says. “I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anybody. Something that, even though it was out of my control, still used to embarrass me… about Ben.”
“Ben?” I ask, shocked. Ben is Bridget’s deceased husband. She doesn’t talk about him often, but she did once mention he was killed in a car accident.