Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
It’s been so long since I let myself feel anything especially where he’s concerned. In the past it had been too painful, wanting him, as much as I did and knowing it could never be.
But now along with the pleasure there was a ray of hope as all the love and desire I felt for him was finally allowed free rein. It’s not like I could resist it, these feelings that bombarded me. It’s always been this way whenever he’s around. It’s the only time I could never keep my true feelings hidden.
It only takes one look at him for me to change into someone else completely. I go from cold to hot in a second, something I’m glad my ex had never caught onto the few times the three of us had been in the same room together.
Oh crap! I sat bolt upright in the tub and barely avoided splashing water over the sides with my hasty movements. How could I have so easily forgotten that he’s engaged to be married to someone else?
The pleasure dimmed and died a slow death and instead I felt pain in my heart as I fought back the sudden tears that gathered in my eyes. I felt almost defeated now, when I hadn’t before.
After everything I’d gone through these last few years, is this the thing that was finally going to break me? Had I become so cold inside that I couldn’t even drum up a few real tears for my deceased husband? But was at the brink because of my heart’s lover?
No, this wasn’t just heartache and misery, I’m jealous. Jealous at the thought of him being this loving with someone else. Did he take care of her the same way? Did he put her first?
I broke out in a cold sweat in the warm water and had to rub my arms vigorously to stave off the sudden chill that invaded but it was no use. The green-eyed monster that I’d been fighting since reading about their relationship reared its ugly head and this time refused to be appeased.
I looked around the bathroom now with new eyes, looking for any sign of her. I’d seen her more than I wanted to in write-ups about the two of them after news of the engagement had broken and have a pretty good idea what kind of woman she is.
She’s beautiful of course as is to be expected of any woman on his arm, and it had only added to the many moments of jealousy I’d suffered because of her. Because she got to be with the man I love when I couldn’t. I’d spent so many countless days wishing…
I felt a small fissure of relief when I didn’t see anything remotely feminine in the room and was able to relax against the tub again, Gavin’s bathtub. And then it finally hit me for real.
I’m in Gavin’s home. Of all the things I’d imagined after the day’s events this didn’t even make the list. It seemed so unreal to be here that I was having a hard time accepting where this day had led. Could there really be a silver lining in my cloudy life after all?
What did all this mean, him bringing me here? He hadn’t answered my question when I asked what he planned to do with me, but I can’t imagine that he’d have brought me here if it was going to be a problem with his relationship. So maybe it was just a friendly gesture on his part, nothing more.
That last thought was deflating. Though I shouldn’t ask for more the truth is deep inside I wanted it to be. I selfishly want his interest to be more than just a friend lending a helping hand in my time of need.
But to be fair, I’m the one who was married when we both grew feelings for each other; why would I expect him to wait for me? Of course he’d moved on Giselle, what could you be thinking?
I rubbed a hand over the pain that thought caused in my heart and willed the tears to stay still. There was no point in crying over what can never be. I mustn’t read too much into his kindness tonight. So no matter how much it hurts I should take what he’s offered thus far and not expect more.
I shouldn’t be greedy. I’d already had my chance at love and failed miserably. And besides, if I thought Vance was out of my league at the time we met, then Gavin is Pluto.
Maybe what I’d mistaken for love on his part was nothing more than lust. I’ve dealt with my share of that while walking the catwalk. But somehow it had seemed different with him. Or maybe I’ve been projecting my own thoughts onto him. Because I’d fallen hard and fast.