Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 67098 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 224(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67098 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 224(@300wpm)
It hit me hard then.
I couldn’t make myself trust her…but she was the one who shouldn’t trust me.
18
Monroe
I walked home from work with the phone pressed to my ear. “How’d it go with the blonde?”
“Good. She gives great head.”
“Coen! A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.”
“Hey, you asked.”
“I meant, did you have a good time?”
“I got a blow job. So yes, I had a great time.”
I chuckled then crossed the street as I approached my townhouse. “You’re gross.”
“I’m a man. We’re all gross. What about Hugh? He seems hunky and dreamy.”
“Did you just say hunky and dreamy?”
“Uh…shit. I did. Let’s just forget that happened.”
I laughed as I pulled out my keys from my pocket. “Yes, I’ll carry your secret because that was very embarrassing.”
“So, you like the guy?”
“There wasn’t anything I didn’t like about him…” I got the door opened and walked inside.
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“No, he’s great. Really. He’s just not…”
“Slate?” he asked. “Yeah, I understand.”
“Did he ask about the evening at all?”
“Not really.”
I locked the door behind me and set my things on the kitchen counter. I still had no furniture, so the counter was cluttered with my things. I set my jacket on the counter and kept the phone against my ear.
“But he’s pretty beat up about it. I’ve never seen him so low. He stays late at work and just stares out the window.”
I hated hurting him, but I couldn’t let him hurt me any longer. I had to get out of that dead-end relationship before I was stuck there forever, perpetually heartbroken. “He’ll get over it.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Well…I guess that’s that, then.” It was really over. I was proud of myself for not giving in to Slate, but I was still miserable without him. The first serious relationship I’d had with a man turned out to be the biggest mistake. I loved someone who was incapable of loving me. I loved someone who was so emotionally unstable, they paid to fuck virgins. I should have seen the red flags a long time ago.
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” I felt the tears burning behind my eyelids, so I ended the conversation before he could hear the tears in my throat. I set the phone on the counter and closed my eyes as I fought against the involuntary emotion that took over. I gripped the edges, breathed a few times, and managed to stifle my tears, but not before a few drops broke through. My eyes watered and a few tears dripped down my cheek, but they didn’t turn into heavy sobs. I wiped my face with my fingers then cleared my throat.
The doorbell rang.
I’d just gotten off the phone with Coen, so I knew it wasn’t him.
That left one person.
Unless it was a Girl Scout selling cookies…that would be wonderful.
I was tempted not to answer it and just pretend I wasn’t home. But the lights were all on, and if I didn’t entertain him now, he would just come back later. I wished I hadn’t just shed a few tears because my eyes were red and puffy, but he’d seen me cry enough times that it didn’t really matter anymore.
I answered the door, my invisible armor protecting my body from his sword. I gave him a cold look and kept my hand on the door so he wouldn’t come inside. Just like the last time I saw him, he looked forlorn. “I told you I—”
“I love you.”
The words pierced the cold air like a bullet. It was quiet outside because it was snowing and everyone was staying indoors. I gripped the handle a little harder, shocked by what he’d said.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say it before. But I’m saying it now. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. It was cruel, pathetic, and unforgivable. But I’m a better man now, even though I didn’t see it for so long. I’m a better man, and I will be the man you want me to be. I love you, I trust you, and if you’ll forgive me, I would like to start over…”
I listened to every word and memorized them, but still couldn’t believe it. Paralyzed, I stood in front of the door and continued to block it, unsure what else to do.
Slate studied me closely, waiting for some response or reaction.
“I…I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“I didn’t either…until Coen made me realize what I was doing.”
“And what were you doing?” I whispered.
“I was behaving just like Simone, hurting you so you couldn’t hurt me. I wanted to love you from the beginning, but I couldn’t because I was too afraid. So I treated you like a transaction, a good I bought at the store. But it was all just to mask what I really felt. Someone hurt me, and I never got over that. So I turned into a different version of that…just to protect myself. I’m disgusted with myself, not just because of the way I treated you, but because of the way I allowed it to impact my entire life. I’m sorry for that…I really am.” He didn’t try to come inside as he bared his soul to me on the doorstep. Sincerity shone in his eyes, the kind of truth that burned all the way from his soul. “I’m not saying this just to get you back. This is the way I feel…the way I’ve always felt.”