Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
I held my breath to see what Theo would do but to my surprise, all he did was tug his arm free so that I was forced to release his hand.
“I think you know the answer to that,” he murmured as his eyes fell on the wound that was still in the process of scabbing over on his right arm.
“Yeah, I guess I do,” I responded. I stared across the stream to where the dog had been. “To answer your question,” I continued, “I deal with it by knowing that while the journey is something we all have to take alone someday, I can ensure they’re not by themselves when that time comes. Even if they can’t hear or see me, they’re still someone in that moment. A mother, son, sister, whatever… there’s someone out there who had probably cared about them at some point in their lives. I didn’t really care why that someone wasn’t there to hold their loved one’s hand.” I paused for a moment before I glanced at Theo. He was staring at the trickling water at our feet.
“They were someone to me,” I said quietly.
I looked back across the stream. “Miracles like him help,” I added. I waited until I knew Theo was watching me before I pointed in the direction that Nacho had taken off. “That animal shouldn’t have even a shred of trust for humans after the way he’s likely been treated. But he comes back here every day and even when I run out of food, he sticks around for a while. Small or large, a miracle’s a miracle.”
I found myself chuckling even though there was no humor behind it. “Sorry, you caught me on a bad day. I tend to pretend I know what the fuck I’m talking about, and I wax poetic about things that make no sense. I’ll give you some peace and quiet, but don’t stay out after the sun falls because it can be a bitch to find your way back in the dark.”
I began to rise to my feet when Theo’s fingers suddenly shot out and wrapped around my wrist. It felt like I was wearing a manacle because there was no hesitation in his hold, no reluctance.
Just one silent message.
The same silent message I’d sent him earlier.
Stay.
I settled my body back down but didn’t move beyond that. At some point, Theo released my wrist but it was only so he could drag the fingernails of his left hand down the inside of his right forearm. The wound from the razor blade was on the top of his arm, so I wasn’t afraid he’d reopen that one, but within seconds, his inner arm was covered in red scratches. All I wanted to do was reach across his body and grab his hand to stop the movement, but I also knew he needed it to cope with whatever it was he wanted to say.
“I hide from it,” Theo said after what seemed like hours. His eyes were stuck on the same spot across the stream but whatever it was that he was staring at, I doubted he even noticed. “I become who I need to be to survive it. I say what people want to hear, I act the way they want me to act, and I keep pushing all that shit deeper and deeper inside of me…”
When he didn’t continue, I softly said, “Until it has to come out. But instead of directing it at the ones who are forcing you to bury it, you focus it all on yourself.”
The scratching on his arm became more intense, to the point that I could see dots of blood forming, so I carefully reached across Theo’s body and gently grabbed his fingers. He didn’t seem to notice, just like he didn’t notice that his fingernails were now biting into my palm. The pain was paltry compared to the torment I knew he was dealing with inside.
“I thought it would all get swept under the carpet, you know?” he said so quietly I almost didn’t hear him, and I didn’t dare ask whatever it was that he was talking about that would have been swept under the carpet.
“So I had this plan all set to go when I got home. I was going to tell my parents I fell off my bike and that was how I got hurt. I figured they’d take me to the hospital because I could tell my nose was broken and Jimmy had twisted my arm so hard, I heard something snap. I think the pain made me pass out for a while. When I woke up, I was alone. It took me almost an hour to walk my bike home. My parents were waiting for me in the living room. When they saw me, all they did was shake their heads. My mom was crying but I knew the tears weren’t for me. They were because of me.”